Now would be a good time to full-screen the video for “Destruction” by Tobias Bernstrup and then take your copy of New Times or smartphone to the bathroom. Your co-workers will see a 40-something Swedish man, nude but for rubber stockings and lip gloss, rotating in the void like a thoroughly waxed slice of pie in Berghain’s snack bar. When you return to your desk, your colleagues will be watching Bernstrup dressed as a battered warrior angel, replete with wings and metal nipple spikes.
“Oh,” you’ll say to them as you pretend to dry your unwashed hands on your trousers, “that’s Tobias Bernstrup. He’s the host of the show that took the time slot from Sprockets in Sweden. He’ll play his first Miami show this Saturday at Gramps (176 NW 24th St., Miami).”
Bernstrup speak-sings his songs, which we assume are bleak testimonies to the difficulty of finding love and tiny meatballs in the digital age. But who knows? If we wanted lyrical insight into our dance tunes, we’d be cruising Hype Machine for remixes of Katy Perry’s “Roar,” not blindly following a Swedish performance artist into the backroom of a bar.
Preceding Bernstrup will be Ramiro Jeancarlo and Giorgio Ardito, who are real DJs, not the output from a Buzzfeed “What Is Your Superserious International DJ Name?” quiz. Expect coldwave, obscure ’80s, and Italo tracks. Do not expect smiles except your own.
Doors open at 10 p.m., and Bernstrup’s show is scheduled to begin at midnight. Tickets cost $10 and the market price for the brain glue you’ll need to reassemble your mind the next morning as if it were a midpriced wooden bookshelf. Call 786-75-BOOZE (26693) or visit grampsbar.com
Sat., March 29, 10 p.m., 2014