"And that's my point. You can call me a bully. But I'm what you've made me — just like the cops and criminals and politicians you complain about. Want to toughen up a rookie? I'm your man. Block 300-pound defensive linebackers who want to run train on Ryan Tannehill? I'll do it. But don't expect me to be Mother Fucking Teresa as soon as the fourth quarter ends.

"Besides, unless we embarrass some sponsor or create a scandal on ESPN, y'all don't really give a crap what happens to us ballplayers anyway," Richie said, slugging back a tumbler of Wild Turkey and tossing the glass over his shoulder into the sand. "You don't care if we're concussed out of our minds or end up shooting ourselves in the chest so scientists can figure out what's wrong with our heads. You only want to know about our injuries when you might lose money in your fantasy football league."

Richie stood up in the hot tub completely naked, now wagging more than one shriveled, pale kielbasa.

Alvaro Diaz-Rubio
Alvaro Diaz-Rubio

"It's not just football, either. South Florida is built upon shit like this, like a swamp. You don't ask where the money for skyscrapers or art museums comes from; you just smile and throw a party. Then you act surprised when some corrupt politician goes to jail.

"You need bullies like me because we do the dirty work that lets you stay clean," he said, pointing a pickled finger at the camera. "So that Ryan Tannehill stays pretty and sells shampoo. And so that you get a good show on Sunday."

Richie slumped back into the hot tub, grabbed another glass, and flashed his $4 million-a-year grin.

"See you dildos next season."

« Previous Page
 |
 
1
 
2
 
3
 
4
 
5
 
6
 
All
 
My Voice Nation Help
9 comments
carne_frio
carne_frio

Should we be surprised when these meatheads act like meatheads?

Downtownbrown
Downtownbrown

They would never write this about a black player.  Libturds got a serious hardon against white guyz.

MadSamoan
MadSamoan

Mikey, I can't figure who you're trying harder to be: Dave Barry or Hunter S. Thompson. I'm happy that a wide-eyed midwestern boy is getting his horizons widened here in big bad South Beach but seriously, dude. This is worse than the crap that we used crank out on my college paper after deadline and too many whiskey shots. At least we knew we were posers and fed all that tripe to the bats rather than publish it.

Neighbor4545
Neighbor4545

ADD Eduardo Francisco Paula to the list of neighborhood adult bullies of S. Florida. This psycho-neighbor dumps oil, kills grass and plants, smashes sculptures, keys cars, runs water while people are of of town, charges at neighbors (with psycho-face), and more. He is a BULLY with no emotopnal sense of his acts, and his wife is a family couselor! Has she heard of Domestic Violence.

crzeerin
crzeerin

The one part I like about this article is the clarity on stand your ground law.

red.cell
red.cell

Wow, I've noticed the last couple of months that Miami New Times articles seemed to be getting worse and worse, but this? I read the first page and won't even waste my time with what looks like 5 more pages, so tldr, but the first page alone is absolutely awful. What the hell are you guys thinking? Do you not have someone in charge that pre-reads this nonsense to decide whether or not it's worth publishing, or is it just a fiction free for all from a bunch of comic writers and amateurs in your work place? The Enquirer has better articles than this. Sorry to say, I use to like Miami New Times (for years actually) and even though I've noticed it going down hill recently I hung in there and continued to visit, read and even share, but not anymore. Bookmark deleted and rss feed unsubscribed, Continue on & Good luck!

nick7588
nick7588

What kind of garbage are you writing here? Are you trying to fulfill some fantasy you have had about standing up to your own bullies? This is pretty obvious satire, but in the modern world of instant accreditation people will read this slander and take it as truth. I wouldn't be surprised if you end up getting sued for it. If I was you I would take it down before the lawyers spot an easy case. I mean this is a pretty long back and forth you have concocted in your little brain. And it doesn't lack any of the over the top stereotypes that have always been slapped on athletes. I know that you most assuredly have never played sports, based on your bias. Stop hating what you could never be, accept yourself for who you are, and live and let live. 


It's like Ricky Williams explained, Jonathan Martin obviously did not know what he was getting himself into. He is a child of privilege who have never had to endure adversity, and at the fist sign of it he ran home to his parents like a child. No matter what the business or industry, if an employee walks off worksite without explanation or without any follow up with their status, and then goes about publicly trashing their organization to the press. They should and would be fired, and most assuredly not brought back into the work flow. You cannot trust someone who goes to the press first over going to management first in any business in America, it is highly unprofessional. 


And to put to bed the claims of absurdity that Jonathan Martin should have handled this on his own. I am in no way shape or form claiming that Jonathan Martin should have gotten physical at all; he is an intelligent man they say, and he should have known he would have lost any physical confrontation. But a true intelligent MAN (not a boy) could have used he's intellect to mentally dress down the bully, he shouldn't need his fist he should only need his mouth. 


From all accords he never said anything to anyone. Men inherently do not ask about other men's feelings. If Jonathan had a problem he should have said "Hey Richie, I don't appreciate all of these things, and if you continue I will have to report it to management." That's it, problem over. That is how a man solves his problems. A boy runs home to mommy and daddy to solve his problems for him.

 
Miami Concert Tickets
Loading...