Maybe you’re reading this while desperately treading water in the middle of the Atlantic, your arms and legs are about to give out, and all that will be left for anyone to remember you by will be an unnecessarily candid diary that your father will burn before your mother has a chance to read it.
In other words, you need a boat.
Fortunately, as peak boat season and peak ocean-stranded season approach, the South Florida Boat Show is here to quite possibly save your life. For three days beginning this Friday, the Miami Beach Convention Center (1901 Convention Center Dr., Miami Beach) will be stuffed silly with everything from outboard motors to nautical artwork, fishing tackle, coolers, and boat lifts. In fact, the show promises, “You name it, you’ll see it [t]here!” This is quite something.
Rise to the challenge, Miami, and do your best naming. “I want to see a submarine made out of hair from shower drains!” It will be there, and you will live inside your tangled dream ship beneath the waves. Pelt the organizers with Scrabble tiles and see what they come back with. Or take your sister’s baby-naming book to the convention center and leave with an army of infants that you can raise to be your own personal navy.
May 31-June 2, 12-8 p.m., 2013