Finally, Lennie picked me up in that gleaming black Cadillac on April 11, 2013. On the way to South Beach for the red-carpet premiere, I stumbled into a good, old Jurassic tune as we rode to the theater. Traffic's "Low Spark of High Heeled Boys" flowed from the car's speakers. It stung me when I realized that the last time I had been in a chauffeured car with family and friends had been after my Marine dad's funeral service in 1985.

If you see something that looks like a star

And it's shooting up out of the ground

Art from the original Pain & Gain story by Anthony Ventura

And your head is spinning from a loud guitar

And you just can't escape from the sound

Don't worry too much, it'll happen to you...

The crowd was five or six deep as Lennie glided us to a stop. "This is it," he said. "They're waiting for you, man! Here's your 15 minutes, Pete."

Some lady yanked open the door and grabbed the midnight-blue sleeve of my suit. The frenzied phalanx of movie lovers and celebrity worshippers went silent, got still. Pete Collins, muter of the multitudes.

They looked at me with distaste. Who is this guy? What is he doing here?

But in the collective unconscious of that group, they could never have known the turns, twists, potholes, and flats of my wayward trek to the red carpet. Jesus, I thought, as I made my way into the theater, I only wrote the damn thing. And I wished my movie-loving mom, who died three years after my dad, was there to see this day.

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