By Rebecca Bulnes
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Nightclubs? Boring. Music festivals? Too landlocked. Yacht parties? Now you're talking!
Every year during the month of March, South Florida's private yacht rental business booms as electronic dance music fanatics flock to the region for Winter Music Conference and Miami Music Week's EDM cruises.
"Everything seems to work out at sea," says Magnetic Grooves founder and president, Melanie Masiello, whose company is hosting five yacht parties this year. "You are in the blazing sunshine, with the best views and sound system. You are right up close to the DJs on their level. And you can drink nonstop for six hours and spend two or even three times less on alcohol as you would at a normal club."
401 Biscayne Blvd.
Miami, FL 33132
But before you drown in vodka tonics aboard the Musette, Masiello has some advice: "Some people tend to drink more than they normally would simply because it's an open bar. That's up to you. But we just want you to be able to walk off the boat!"
These are the ten best EDM cruises during WMC and MMW 2013.
Walk the Plank: WMC 2013 Inception Yacht Party. With Nibiru Strata, NxDxcx, and a special headliner. Friday, March 15, 8 p.m. to 2 a.m., on the Musette, boarding at 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $90 to $120 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Pack your snorkel and don't forget a life vest, because you'll probably wet yourself with excitement when you step aboard the Musette for Walk the Plank, the cherry-poppin' prog-house yacht party that's gonna set the bar for two full weeks of EDM antics at sea. Enjoy an open bar, pretty faces, and some of the best damn tiki-tiki music on Biscayne Bay.
Gareth Emery. With Mark Eteson, Luccio, RJ Pickens, and Brad Miller. Tuesday, March 19, 1 to 6 p.m., on the Musette. Tickets cost $90 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. We've all had a "case of the Mondays." But historically, Tuesdays are just as bad. Rather than slaving away in your cubicle, slip into your skimpiest banana hammock and return to the Musette for some midday mischievousness.
Cosmic Gate & Friends. With Ben Gold, Row, and RJ Pickens. Wednesday, March 20, 1 to 6 p.m., on the Musette. Tickets cost $90 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. In the movie Anchorman, Ron Burgundy, played by Will Ferrell, arrives at a chic San Diego soiree, looks over at his buddy, and says, "We've been going to the same party every night for 12 years now. And in no way is that depressing." We finally get it. Back for its fourth year, the Cosmic Gate & Friends yacht party is our own version of Burgundy's 12-year merrymaking. And in no way is that depressing. In fact, we'd have it no other way.
Island Sessions Sunset Yacht Cruise. With David Penn, Prok and Fitch, Cube Guys, and others. Wednesday, March 20, 3 to 9 p.m., on the South Beach Lady, boarding at 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $100 to $2,500 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. It's gonna be an international affair aboard the South Beach Lady. When the Islands Sunset Sessions cruise sets sail, DJs representing six countries will throw down some gnarly WMC-at-sea beats. A quick tip: Promoters suggest packing light. Just essential sexy boating attire — body paint, thongs, heels, etc.
Heel to Steel Boat Party. With Seth Troxler and Craig Richards. Wednesday, March 20, 3 to 9 p.m., on the Biscayne Lady, boarding at Marina Bayside Marketplace, 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $150 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. It ain't every Wednesday that you get to catch Resident Advisor's top-ranked DJ on a pleasure yacht. But this is WMC. And Captain Seth Troxler is reporting for duty.
Miami Wave Yacht Series. With Michael Woods, Sandro Silva, Dani Deahl, and Idris Elba. Wednesday, March 20, 7 p.m. to midnight, aboard the Musette. Tickets cost $60 to $600 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Dress code? Yeah, right! When in Rome, you do as the Romans do and wear a toga. When in Miami, you do as the sexy folks do and starve yourself until your abs show. Then you pop a molly and show us your nipple rings, people. It's WMC and we're getting rowdy on the high seas.
Masters at Work at Sea. With Little Louie Vega and Kenny "Dope" Gonzalez. Wednesday, March 20, 3:30 to 9 p.m., on the Lady Windridge, boarding at 4800 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $150 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. What do you get when you cross a little hip-hop, disco, jazz, and funk and add 20 years of experience and 170 feet of fiberglass? The best damn midweek EDM cruise, i.e., Masters at Work (AKA Little Louie Vega and Kenny "Dope" Gonzalez) at Sea.
Skrillex & Friends Yacht Party! With Skrillex, Crookers, 12th Planet, and others. Thursday, March 21, 3 to 8 p.m., boarding at 400 SE Second Ave., Miami. Tickets cost $162 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. We at New Times have this epic, secret EDM fantasy involving 1,000 Skrillex clones, a private party boat, a dubstep spaceship, a rubberized DJ booth, and unlimited champagne showers. So please chop your hair into a Sonny John Moore-like asymmetrical masterpiece, grab a pair of nerd glasses, swipe on some waterproof eyeliner, and meet us for what this cruise's promoters call some "back 2 back 2 back 2 back!!!"