Whenever we at New Times manage to slink out from behind our grimy laptops, take a shower, slip on some clean jeans, escape the office, and empty our bank accounts, there's only one reason: a hard-core, seven-day beach party.
These are the six best club parties on South Beach this week.
Brass Knuckles, with Walden and Mednas. Thursday, January 17, 11 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-4680; livnightclub.com. Tickets cost $30 to $40 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. This Miami trio hits so hard, it's like taking a fistful of cold, hard steel to the skull. Hence, the handle Brass Knuckles. Watch yo' teeth!
Subb-an, with Hardline and Thunderpony. Presented by Link and Miami Rebels. Thursday, January 17, 11 p.m., Treehouse, 323 23rd St., Miami Beach; 305-614-4478; treehousemiami.com. Tickets cost $10 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. If you're looking to dig deep "into the 'groove,' " as Brit ripper Ashique "Subb-an" Subhan likes to say, just pack some protection and meet us at the Treehouse.
Wolfgang Gartner. Friday, January 18, 11 p.m., Story Nightclub, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-479-4426; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $30 to $40 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Are you scared of "smelling of cigarettes or stale spilled alcohol" and "ringing ears"? Well, Cali crusher Wolfgang Gartner can help you conquer your fears. He won't be gentle, though.
Plastic Funk. As part of Classic Saturday. Saturday, January 19, 11 p.m., Bamboo, 550 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-4771; bamboomiamibeach.com. Tickets cost $20 to $40 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. No, Plastic Funk is not the stank of sex toys left too long in a lube stew. It's just two suave dudes, making music that's perfect for humping in public.
Dubfire, with Shaded and Danyelino. Presented by Link and Miami Rebels. Saturday, January 19, 11 p.m., Story Nightclub, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-479-4426; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $30 to $40 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. The Deep Dish legend, Dubfire, meets Link and Miami Rebels, AKA SoBe's most precocious promotion crews... It's gonna be a Story, bro.
Dragonette, with Ruen and Jessica Who. As part of Dirty Hairy. Wednesday, January 23, 11 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-4680; livnightclub.com. Tickets cost $30 to $40 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. When Dragonette's Martina Sorbara says, "I start it up, turn it over... And come down heavy cause I drop it/Like a Tomahawk chopper," she isn't exaggerating. So please, watch your Dirty Hairy ass.
