Miami New Times' Dirty Dozen 2012

Miami New Times' Dirty Dozen 2012
Derf

Every year, New Times chooses the 12 most odious people in Dade to memorialize their crimes against Miami. Here are 2012's Dirty Dozen.

After taxpayers bought the Miami Marlins a $560 million stadium, the team responded with one of the most embarrassing displays in sports history. Manager Ozzie Guillen said he loved Fidel Castro, the team finished last in the East, and scumbag owner Jeffrey Loria traded every single member of the team by November. Damn you, Billy the Marlin!

Chris Brown, America's most despicable, Rihanna-beating crooner, gave Miami another reason to hate his guts when a fan accused him of snatching her iPhone in a fit of rage outside a nightclub.

While Rep. David Rivera's life spiraled into a ridiculous episode of Maury, Ana Alliegro played the token crazy lady. Between acting as Rivera's bag woman with cash in envelopes, the "conservative bad girl" got naked, threatened her husband with a loaded gun, and then disappeared.

Mexican sexpot songstress Paulina Rubio was arrested for screaming at cops in Little Havana and sued for beating the crap out of her personal assistant at Miami International Airport.

Miami Beach City Manager Jorge Gonzalez made SoBe the most corrupt town in Dade, with cops charged with drunkenly riding ATVs and harassing gays, department heads taking six-figure bribes, firefighters smuggling coke into clubs, and politicians extorting tickets from symphonies.

Miami thought it was finally rid of the Kardashians when three towns refused to let them film their loathsome reality show. Then North Miami welcomed them with open arms and even gave them keys to the city.

What's worse than learning that pro wrestling is fake? Watching childhood icon Hulk Hogan awkwardly having sex with his best friend Bubba the Love Sponge's wife on a grainy sex tape.

• Gunplay, Miami's favorite black rapper with Swastika tattoos, faces life in prison for pistol-whipping a Tax Place grunt during a robbery.

Roided-out slugger Alex Rodriguez sank the Yankees with another putrid postseason and built a lavish SoBe bachelor pad to rent out seven days a week for underwear ads and reality TV shoots.

The rich son of The Real Housewives of Miami star Alexia EchevarriaPeter Rosello — amused himself by "nut-punching" a sleeping homeless man, filming it, and posting it on YouTube. He was then promptly arrested.

Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Gimenez named a street after a convicted coke dealer, used absentee-ballot scammers, and refused to extend early voting while people waited in eight-hour lines.

He was supposed to be the key to a revitalized Dolphins squad. Instead, Chad Ochocinco was cut before the season opener when he head-butted his wife, Basketball Wives star Evelyn Lozada.

 
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2 comments
briancaudill
briancaudill

@Derfcity How the hell did you narrow it to just 12?

drakemallard
drakemallard topcommenter

I'm watching this glorified porn star AKA kim Kardashian wondering how someone can get so caught up in a work of fiction...

 
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