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Miami's 13 Best New Year's Eve Parties

When Miami throws an end-of-year blowout, it's guaranteed everyone will go home broke. And drunk. And accompanied by some creepy-sexy stranger who'll ask for money in the morning.

So if you wanna wake up in 2013 with empty pockets, a booze-damaged brain, and a bed full of hot mess, check out Miami's 13 best New Year's Eve parties!

Tiësto's Club Life. With Cedric Gervais. Sunday, December 30, 11 p.m., Story Nightclub, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-479-4426; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $60 to $75 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Make a New Year's resolution that'll actually matter. Dedicate 2013 to livin' the Club Life like Dutch house megastar Tiësto. Supertight, shiny T-shirts! Nonstop bottle service! Personally branded private jets! Fist-pump into next year and begin your mission by uhntz-uhntz-ing away the eve of NYE on South Beach. Humanity will thank you, beat freak.

Pitbull says, "¡Prospero año nuevo! ¡Dale!"
Pitbull says, "¡Prospero año nuevo! ¡Dale!"

Location Info

Map

Story Nightclub

136 Collins Ave.
Miami Beach, FL 33139

Category: Bars and Clubs

Region: South Beach

Bamboo

550 Washington Ave.
Miami Beach, FL 33139

Category: Bars and Clubs

Region: South Beach

Grand Central

697 N. Miami Ave.
Miami, FL 33136

Category: Bars and Clubs

Region: Downtown/Overtown

Mansion

1235 Washington Ave.
Miami Beach, FL 33119

Category: Bars and Clubs

Region: Out of Town

Shelborne South Beach

1801 Collins Ave.
Miami Beach, FL 33139

Category: Hotels and Resorts

Region: Out of Town

LIV

4441 Collins Ave.
Miami Beach, FL 33140

Category: Bars and Clubs

Region: Mid/North Beach

Delano Hotel

1685 Collins Ave.
Miami Beach, FL 33139

Category: Hotels and Resorts

Region: South Beach

Cameo

1445 Washington Ave.
Miami Beach, FL 33139

Category: Bars and Clubs

Region: South Beach

Fontainebleau Miami Beach

4441 Collins Ave.
Miami Beach, FL 33140

Category: Hotels and Resorts

Region: South Beach

American Airlines Arena

601 Biscayne Blvd.
Miami, FL 33132

Category: Music Venues

Region: Central Dade

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French Montana's Last Dance. With DJs Camilo, Affect, and Entice. Presented by Prestige Sundays. Sunday, December 30, 11 p.m., Bamboo, 550 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-4771; bamboomiamibeach.com. Tickets cost $30 to $50 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Ever fantasize about the filthy particulars of a Last Dance on New Year's Eve with Morocco-born, Bronx-raised rapper French Montana? Well, if homie's recent romantic ode to sexual intercourse, "Pop That," is any kind of preview, cruise into Bamboo fully prepared to "Work, work, work, work, work, work/What you twerkin' with/Throw it, bust it open."

Dirtybird NYE 2013. With Claude VonStroke, Justin Martin, Kill Frenzy, and J. Phlip. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-377-2277; grandcentralmiami.com. Tickets cost $49 and up plus fees via ticketfly.com. Ages 21 and up. Straight outta San Fran, VonStroke, Mr. Martin, and crew are bum-rushing the 305 with ass-blasting beats in honor of 2013. And there are only three real rules for a Dirtybird NYE: (1) Guzzle that bubbly like you're chronically thirsty, (2) forget your significant other at home, and (3) make that booty clap!

Carl Cox. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-8411; mansionmiami.com. Tickets cost $250 to $20,000 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could pay $250 to enjoy the coming of 2013 like some sorta totally average EDM fan. Or you could max out the credit cards to celebrate like the Cox man with a $20,000 "Your Own Party on the Stage" package, complete with Grey Goose, Moët, and party favors!

Shwayze. With Mike Russ, Gino G, Chris Valencia, and the Problem Kids. Presented by Red Rabbit. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Shelborne South Beach, 1801 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-531-1271; shelborne.com. Tickets cost $95 and up plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Are you, as 26-year-old SoCal rapper Aaron Smith (AKA Shwayze) might say, "on your Shway shit"? Will you get drunk off love and champagne on South Beach for NYE? Will you meet a stranger "hot like cashmere"? Will you do it "in public/Let them all see, fuck it"?

Calvin Harris. With Jacob Plant. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-4680; livnightclub.com. Tickets cost $375 to $18,000 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. After about 28 years' worth of New Year's Eve parties, we all get sorta sick of premium vodka and Dom Pérignon. Just like 28-year-old Calvin Harris, who laments, "This is like a flashback/This is like a dream/This is like all the things you can fit/Inside a memory." Still, a potentially epic time with 18 BFFs has gotta be worth $18,000, right? Definitely, bro.

Santigold and Talib Kweli. With DJ Ideal and Dave Sol. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Delano Hotel, 1685 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-672-2000; delano-hotel.com. Tickets cost $200 to $500 plus fees via delanosouthbeach.ticketmob.com. Ages 21 and up. Eat a fancy four-course meal. Go swimming in your birthday suit. Suck back a dozen mojitos at the open bar. Pass out in a cozy daybed. Shake ass with indie-dance goddess Santigold and hip-hop legend Talib Kweli. That's NYE at the Delano. Oh, wait. Did we forget puking up at midnight in the superswank restroom?

Future. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Cameo, 1445 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-532-2667; cameomiami.com. Tickets cost $50 to $100,000 and up plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. How hard do y'all ball? When celebrating New Year's Eve on SoBe with Southern spitter Future, there are the "Magic" ($1,500) and "No Matter What" ($2,500) levels, the "Turn on the Lights" ($5,000) ultra VIP table, and the "Tony Montana" ($25,000) package. But you just ain't a boss till you drop $100,000 on the "In the Studio With Future" deal, which comes with 70 bottles of booze and a four-person meet-and-greet.

Kaskade. With Digital Lab. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Story Nightclub, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-479-4426; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $275 and up plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Who could've guessed that EDM would explode in 2012? Not Kaskade. As the electronic-dance-music trailblazer told New Times: "I was never one of those guys who was good at reading the crystal ball." So Mr. K's modest prediction for the next 365 days: peace, love, unity, respect. Keep the future PLUR, kids.

Drake. With Kayper. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Fontainebleau Miami Beach, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-538-2000; fontainebleau.com. Tickets cost $250 and up plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Who is every girlfriend's favorite rapper? No doubt it's supersensitive tough guy Aubrey Drake Graham. That's why surprising your pretty little GF with tix to Drizzy's NYE bash is a very dangerous idea. He will exclude you from the VIP. He will charm your lady with his favorite drink, the Sprite-and-wine spritzer. And he will take her to a private poolside cabana for a cuddling sesh. Oh yeah, Drake will steal the best you ever had. Just ask Chris Brown.

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7 comments
keithjam
keithjam

Do you have to have a goverment issued Douche card to enter these parties?  Or will my Schmedium bedazzled shirt, dragon jeans and indoor sunglasses part the velvet ropes?  I'll stay at home and drink myself stupid.   

Deana Gutierrez
Deana Gutierrez

More like Miami's 13 Douchiest New Years Eve Parties...

Tamara Wendt
Tamara Wendt

Anyone recommend a cheap to free event that isn't about drinking or drugs?

relrel
relrel

Can you suggest anything that doesn't go Boom Boom Boom, or Umtze Umtze Umtze. Nothing wrong with those, but more variety would be nice.


 

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