Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide

Police say they still don't know why Rudy Eugene brutally attacked Ronald Poppo near the MacArthur Causeway last week — literally chewing off Poppo's face until an officer shot and killed him. But to anyone paying attention, the reason is all too obvious: a full-fledged zombie apocalypse is upon us.

How will you and your family survive? To prepare, we, um, picked the brain of a real-life zombie expert: Jonathan Maberry, author of the survival guide Zombie CSU: The Forensics of the Living Dead.

Riptide: What would you say is the top rule of zombie survival?

Maberry: Don't be the dumb loudmouth in your group of survivors. These days, folks are likely to feed you to the zoms and make their escape during the chow-down.

What weapons or supplies should we procure to prepare ourselves?

The smartest object of defense isn't a gun or knife — it's body armor made from carpet. You can't really bite through it and there's carpet everywhere... I'd tear up the carpet, secure it with some duct tape (and we all have duct tape), and then stroll through the crowd of frustrated zombies.

Can zombies swim?

Zombies wouldn't be a threat in the water. The freshly killed ones would sink like a stone without air in their lungs for buoyancy. The rotting ones might float because of gasses released by putrefaction, but they would lack the coordination for the mechanics of swimming and couldn't strategize about how to overcome tides and currents. So a great way to survive the zombie apocalypse is to strap on that Speedo and take a dip.

Are there different varieties of zombie?

There are several classifications. The old-school zombies are the raised dead used as slaves by priests of the Haitian religion of vodou. Since the 1960s, we've come to hang the "zombie" nickname on flesh-eating ghouls of the [George] Romero kind, and these are slow-moving, mindless corpses. Then there are the fast zombies, as introduced first in the film Return of the Living Dead (1985)... Then you have the "rage virus-infected," who are mindless humans infected by a disease.

What's the most common misconception about zombies?

That the disease only spreads through bites. However, Romero established that everyone who dies... will rise as a zombie.

 
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12 comments
Zachlee93
Zachlee93

zombie apocalypse is closer than u think people has already started in japan and californa people have tried to eat other people

4everjaniece
4everjaniece

Everyone who dies rises as a zombie? False.

Hlw
Hlw

I have my zombie plan

So Ready For This
So Ready For This

Jonathan Maberry is my hero. He writes the best books and is so smart when it comes to zombies...

Fry guy
Fry guy

Not sure if troll or just stupid

Tabbz
Tabbz

The cause for "zombies" is a new drug that can easily be stopped. It consists of different variety kinds of drugs such as cocain mixed with zanex, but it's not just that it's many other kinds. If the new drug continues to spread then we might have an issue then.

Osorio Droid
Osorio Droid

Im go to homedepot right now and buy all of their carpets

Yoshi
Yoshi

OH GOD this is going to be the stupidest shit the world is going to go through... ill go get my chainsawXD

general hydroponics
general hydroponics

Be prepared with the following weapons if there is sudden zombie outbreak: 1) FIREARMS: Unless you’re living inside an ammunition factory – or video game – the chances of running out of bullets to keep your firearm functioning is too great. Over the long term it’s not a solid option in my book. 2) OTHER RANGED WEAPONS: A spear, throwing ax, battle Frisbee, or boomerang ain’t gonna cut it for obvious reasons. They have the same essential problem as firearms, and are not as productive when attacking on all cylinders. 3) EDGED WEAPONS: Swords, machetes, claws and spikes don’t make my cut for several reasons. They’re generally only dangerous from one side or angle, they require maintenance or will become dull and useless, and the much-overlooked risk of getting their sharp edge stuck in something at exactly the wrong time is too great. 4) BLUNT WEAPONS: For the reasons stated above, I am a strong believer in blunt weapons. They can be used against Zombies and hostile humans alike, with both lethal and nonlethal force. They are dangerous from most angles. They require little or no upkeep. And they’re more easily obtained than other specialized objects. http://bigbudsmag.com/lifestyle/article/medical-marijuana-strain-guide-surviving-zombie-apocalypse-june-2012

Zombie
Zombie

why is the date for this article in the future? is this a conspiracy?

 
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