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Justin Bieber Is on the Edge of Crazy

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke warns that Justin Bieber might be on a dark path similar to the one followed by other young pop stars such as Lindsay Lohan.

On May 5, I invited some friends to my house to watch the Miguel Cotto-Floyd Mayweather fight. We were all surprised when the baddest of all bad-boy black dudes, Floyd Mayweather, walked into the ring with Justin Bieber, the world's most beloved innocent white teenager. Bieber must have gone rogue, because no record executive would have allowed the Canadian crooner to be seen next to one of the most hated boxers in history. That kid just seemed so out of place. He doesn't even know how to put on a mean face.

Maybe Bieber, like Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears, is getting tired of being a squeaky-clean pop star. A lot of these universally loved mainstream artists grow weary of their public vanilla personalities. They simply don't want to be nice and cute anymore. They want to be hard-core. Look at Whitney Houston. When she sang the National Anthem before Super Bowl XXV in 1991, she became America's sweetheart. But it was all downhill from there. She married bad-boy R&B singer Bobby Brown and began doing drugs and abusing alcohol.

MC Hammer is another example. He got tired of being a pop rapper known for his dancing skills, so he made a thug record. No one bought it, and people were like, "What the fuck are you doing?"

Last week, Bieber told Us Weekly he was relieved to have graduated from high school. "At school, usually you have to do a lot of writing and reading," he said. "I'm not really into that stuff. I like to be out there." So Bieber's handlers need to get him under control soon, or he could get into some serious trouble.

If they see Justin doing any of the following, they'll know he has lost his mind:

• He gets a teardrop tattoo on his face and wears his pants saggy like Lil Wayne's.

• He beats up his girlfriend à la Chris Brown, who was a squeaky-clean pop star before he punched Rihanna.

• He tries to date Miami rapper Trina.

• He rides around South Beach in a Bugatti during Memorial Day weekend while wearing a wifebeater and a diamond pendant chain.

• He hangs out with Mayweather at King of Diamonds and makes it rain on the strippers.

If you see Bieber doing any of those things, you know he's in need of Dr. Phil.

Follow Luke on Twitter: @unclelukereal1.

 
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10 comments
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Guest
Guest

I know I'm late but Luke you are absolutely correct. I started giving JB the "side eye" when he ASKED to perform in the "Cypher" segment of the BET awards but was denied because he 1. could not free-style and 2. he wanted Ludacris to write his rhymes. Seriously Justin?! Little boy please have a stadium full of seats please _/. He is begging to be "down", but I have a feeling that if something ever pops off he would be the first to run, just like ya boy Justin Timberlake.

Stephan Lottier
Stephan Lottier

hey luke!i'm a white guy from the burb's and seen more bad shit in my life than you could even imagine!more than those poor f*cking kids from the ghetto!i seen more blow and bad shit than you!i've been shot in the chest, and home invaded with a shotgun put in my mouth!my brother was murdered when i was 14 ,and i lost my father when i was 21.i've done more crazy f*cked up shit i could write a book!and guess what luke!i not fucking black or do i come from the hood!your 2live crew was blues clues compared to what i done!

kirkslade
kirkslade

Luke, blame Donna Summers death on racism.

SL
SL

I think Justin might need a nap....& a belt ;)

Michael Play
Michael Play

Unlike all of the others Justin Bieber is fine...and not everyone has to look like a prison fag with the paints down like they need an oil change. Hip Hop don't rule the world. Bieber has style and class, thats more than I can say for those want-to-be rapers. So, stuff it in your sag.

dor.
dor.

How is it in any way appropriate to put domestic violence on a joke list of "rebellions?" Fuck off, creep.

bieberaddict
bieberaddict

Justin is a bit of a nut, but so far his badboy activities have been limited to tweeting the phone numbers of elderly Texans and extreme sagging.

 
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