By Nate "Igor" Smith
By Abel Folgar
By Kat Bein
By Jacob Katel
By Karli Evans
By Jose D. Duran
By Pablo Chacon Alvarez
Proof that God doesn't exist struck us like an eighteen-wheeler going 65 mph in a school zone when Nickelback announced its Here and Now arena tour earlier this year.
We at New Times asked our readers to join the "stop Nickelback from infiltrating our up-and-coming, culturally relevant music scene" movement, but few responded. In fact, we were highly criticized — labeled "massive pricks" and "highly retarded cunts." The reaction was initially hurtful, but humbling in hindsight. Who are we to stop a shitty Canadian band from playing South Florida?
Despite being one of the world's most insipid radio rock bands, Nickelback is unbelievably popular. More than 13 million Facebook users "Like" the Alberta, Canada quartet. (And that's about four million more than the Rolling Stones.) The band has racked up six Grammy nominations, 21 platinum certifications, and 12 Juno awards. Not to mention, frontman Chad Kroeger has an estimated net worth upward of $50 million, and his group's tours are giant cash cows milked by power chords and simple drum patterns.
Love it ("I am aware that I am a Nickelback fan") or hate it ("I'd rather be stuck on the Palmetto with no A/C while having violent diarrhea!"), Nickelback is coming. And a petition won't stop it from happening.