By Nate "Igor" Smith
By Abel Folgar
By Kat Bein
By Jacob Katel
By Karli Evans
By Jose D. Duran
By Pablo Chacon Alvarez
Seth Bogart is queercore's flat-chested poster boy and a household name among same-sex households with an affinity for independent garage rock.
The colorful 31-year-old Hunx and His Punx frontman has become one of underground rock's chief impresarios, a showman who's second to none. Whether he's ogling men at his lively shows, threatening to pee in a bandmate's butthole, or questioning the respective sizes of the Jacuzzi Boys' penises, Bogart's brash, unfiltered persona is both charming and alarming.
At a Sailor Jerry event in Miami last year, a free-balling Bogart did all three — ogled, threatened, and questioned. "I feel that this is, like, fake," he told the crowd that night. "Don't you feel like we're all extras in a movie?"
5501 NE 2nd Ave.
Miami, FL 33137
Category: Bars and Clubs
Region: Midtown/Wynwood/Design District
This Friday, Hunx and His Punx's metaphysical movie will resume filming in Miami when Bogart and his band burst into Churchill's Pub, Little Haiti's indie-music equivalent of a San Francisco glory hole — seedy, sloppy, and undeniably tempting. The Miami stop is one of several cities on the group's current tour, an international trek across North America and Europe in support of Bogart's first solo effort, Hairdresser Blues.
One writer at Miami New Times' sister paper LA Weekly called Hairdresser Blues "empowering," saying, "[It's] not a great record. It's a simple record with some nice songs. But if you listen to it in the context of it being an outlet for a very free man who does whatever he wants even though society might not accept him for it, then suddenly it's an important record. It makes the jump from gimmicky to empowering in a microsecond."
Similarly, Bogart's Twitter feed is also an outlet for a very free man who does and says whatever he wants even though society might not accept him for it. We've learned a great deal about Bogart via his @HunxAndHisPunx Twitter handle, especially over the past year. Ten of our absolute favorite Hunxisms are listed below. Like Bogart, they're unfiltered, unedited, often bizarre, but always quirky.
What you're about to read might shock you. You might gag, cry, laugh, or a combination of all three. You won't, however, ever forget Seth Bogart.
March 19, 2011: Seth's Vegas Adventure
The tweet: "Just won BIG in Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plus fucked a guy really hard in the bathroom."
The saying goes, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." In Bogart's case, what happens in Vegas, stays on Twitter, Google Cache, and the pages of an alt-weekly. How big were the winnings? Certainly above average, we're guessing, to satisfy this punk.
May 31, 2011: Seth's Poor Gag Reflexes
The tweet: "I barfed on my boyfriends [sic] dick last night and I wadnt [sic] even drunk. #dontdrinkcheladasanddeepthroatenormousdicksinphoenixparkinglotz."
Was it his boyfriend's schlong or the fact that he was drinking cheladas — those disgusting beer/lime juice/tomato juice/sauces/spices/peppers concoctions — that drove Bogart to blow chunks? That stuff can make any man puke, with or without a penis in his mouth.
September 6, 2011: Seth Reads Miami New Times
The tweet: "Someone wrote that I have 'the body of a flat-chested teenage girl.'"
As a writer, it's an incredibly gratifying feeling to know that people read your words. Said feeling is even greater when the indie-celebrity subject of a blog post quotes you on Twitter. Yes, Seth, you do have the body of a flat-chested teenage girl. You also have "the falsetto of a Phil Spector-produced wet dream."
October 6, 2011: Seth Is a Reckless Driver
The tweet: "I let my Boyfriend smoke in the car if he pulls his pants & underwear down to jos [sic] ankles... This leads to speeding & hand jobs at 85 mph."
Like Sammy Hagar, Seth can't drive 55, especially when his boyfriend's "enormous dick" is out. Speeding is dangerous. But jerking someone off while doing 85 mph in the fast lane, that's just a typical Thursday in Bogart's world.
October 23, 2011: Seth's Recurring Dream
The tweet: "Do you ever have the reoccurring [sic] dream that youre [sic] about to eat Madonna's pussy?"
Finally, someone else admits to having this dream. Backstage with Madge on the Blond Ambition Tour circa 1990, playing truth-or-dare with the back-up dancers? Yeah, we get it, Seth.
December 8, 2011: Seth's Gross Habits
The tweet: "TOP 4 Gross Things I like to do: 4. Pull out body hairs & put em in my mouth 3. Pop zits 2. Bite my toenails 1. Smell everything possible."
At least he doesn't fuck his own armpit, right?
March 9, 2011: Seth's Armpit Fetish
The tweet: "I'd fuck my armpit if I could."
We should've known. After all, Bogart seems like the type of dude who's down for whatever. And who are we to judge? According to Wikipedia, "some consider the armpits to be an erogenous zone."
January 16, 2012: Seth Gets Real
The tweet: "Sad my grandma is dying. I used to put on toddlers n tiaras style drag shows for her when I was a sexy 5 year old."
Before the cheladas, 85-mph hand jobs, toenail biting, and armpit fucking, there was an innocent 5-year-old boy who dreamed of becoming a pageant queen. And he shared that dream with his grandmother. Though you might giggle at the thought of young Seth parading around Grandma's house in drag, losing a grandmother is no laughing matter. It sucks.