But this March, a luncheon speech by Samson salted a populace already smarting from the hotly contested stadium deal. "We don't care if nobody comes," he said, according to Miami Today. "We'll play in front of nobody, and we'll have all the money." He also took shots at billionaire activist Norman Braman and the admittedly dubious smarts of Florida politicians.

Samson claimed he was misquoted, but video confirmed that Miami Today's account was mostly accurate. If nothing else, he had channeled a smug and smarmy Gordon Gekko when all he had to do was shut up and, along with the rest of the Marlins front office, reap unearned profit.

So who really needs the public relations coaching?

Asked what this story should be about, Morrison replied, "The overall awesomeness that's about to go down."
Giulio Sciorio
Asked what this story should be about, Morrison replied, "The overall awesomeness that's about to go down."
"He's a big ol' boy, dude," Bryan Petersen (left) says of teammate, best friend, and bubble bath partner Morrison (right).
"He's a big ol' boy, dude," Bryan Petersen (left) says of teammate, best friend, and bubble bath partner Morrison (right).

Location Info

Map

Marlins Park

1380 NW 6th St.
Miami, FL 33125

Category: Retail

Region: Little Havana

Having spent the day bouncing around hills on a golf cart and swigging domestic beer, Morrison flops onto a leather couch. Two women in tight T-shirts and short skirts, who could probably be classified as cougars, laugh madly at him for refusing to nosh on a golf club buffet because the food isn't organic, while at the same time drinking Miller Lite.

Morrison appeals to a burly Marlins staffer. "They're laughing at me, Big John! Kick them out!" Then he turns to the ladies. "If I told him to kick you out, he'd kick you out," he says earnestly. He rears back on the couch, clutching a beer in one hand and making a headbanger symbol with the other, and screeches, "Because the guy that pays me pays him! Just say it!"

Morrison and his Miami Marlins teammates are at the Miccosukee Golf & Country Club in Kendale Lakes before this week's opening-day battle royal with the Cardinals. It's a charity golf event, part of the team's not-at-all-cynical spring goodwill tour of the community. Baseball players in golf shirts and handlebar mustaches are wandering around sunburned and drunk.

It's been a very Logan Morrison spring. He's battled his postsurgical knee, which has swelled uncomfortably. He's costarred with Bryan Petersen in The Petey & LoMo Show, in which they formed a two-man moped gang, toilet-papered a condo where three teammates lived, and caught Bieber fever. And he's been snared in a mini-controversy: The relatives of late Marlins president Carl Barger are pissed that Morrison has been given the number 5 jersey — George Brett's old number — which was previously retired in Barger's honor.

Beat reporters have been lurking around the golf club, dying to ask him about the jersey flap, he says. If they had, this would have been his response: "Fuck off. I'm over your shit. I'm over it!" he booms from the couch. "You will not twist these words.'"

Then the conversation turns to The Franchise. Showtime cameras have already begun following the Miami Marlins circus — including Ozzie Guillen, who has thus far lived up to billing by getting ejected from one of the spring's first exhibition games — and the program will debut midseason.

Speculation is rampant about what sort of antics Morrison might have up his sleeve. "We're probably going to get a LoMo cock shot before it's all said and done," posited Chris Joseph, a blogger for this publication.

Such hype irritates the virtuoso. "There's going to be some crazy shit, don't get me wrong," Morrison says. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

Wearing golf shorts, he reclines and spreads his legs in sultry fashion. "It's not like I'm going to be like, 'Hey, let's do a naked camera interview right now. I'm just going to have the shades on — is that cool?'"

Then he gets a potentially hazardous question. Call it spring training for Morrison's new regimen of thwarting reporters by using clichés.

Just how in hell will thin-skinned Jeffrey Loria and contemptuous David Samson handle this roster full of crazy?

"I don't really know," says Morrison, struggling to provide a safe answer. "Is there a clear-cut plan for our team? No, there's not, but I think that's how he wants it. Other than the clear-clut plan — the clear... cut —"

As he trips over the phrase, a fan asks him to talk to his 12-year-old son on his cell phone. Guillen stops to give him a fist bump. Heath Bell, the Marlins' new closer and another joker, strolls by in a green argyle golf getup.

Five minutes later, Morrison has been sobered by the attention. Before he jumps up from the couch to join his new teammates in the parking lot, he enunciates, "The only plan that I know [Loria] has is for us to win a World Series. Other than that, I'm not sure, but I don't care."

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14 comments
Marlinsucks
Marlinsucks

Who gives a shit about this team, they stole from everybody when they built that shit stadium in the rat infested area of Miami. People are stupid if they go to see them but then again it's Miami.

Fair
Fair

A childish clown... a below average hitter who is looking for notoriety elsewhere to make up for his lack of prowess on the field. My only hope is that Logan goes into a psycho wacho fit someday and sits on the creep David Samson and takes a #2 UN-KOSHER dump on him, that is after Logan has eaten grits and greasy bacon.

TimpFeee
TimpFeee

lol OK thats jsut too funny fdude.

www.Total-Privacy dot US

Adonis Vowsen
Adonis Vowsen

Every one of his female followers, have for some reason have grown a feverish love for the latest Itunes sensation. 'The Flowers And Valentines Day Song'! The downloads continue to Rocket!!Thanks to everyone for your wonderful support!

http://www.tunecore.com/music/...

Kyle
Kyle

Why isn't Morrison taking advantage of himself? God..if I had his swing, power, and body build I wouldn't even have a facebook... The dude is funny and all, but all he does is act like a dweeb. New stadium is nice, and the team will be fun to follow. But I honestly dont think Reyes is enough to lead a squad of cartoon characters to a postseason.

Jane W
Jane W

lomo's a piece of shit tool with a bad knee,which will be blown out by June 1st

randrand run
randrand run

LACK OF MARLINS COMMENTS SPEAKS VOLUMES-THE PEOPLE AIN'T INTO THE STADIUM, THE HYPE-AND THEY ARE HUNGRY AND BROKE! WHAT A BONER THIS PUSH WAS FROM THE OUTSET--------------

Billy the marlin
Billy the marlin

Obviously U dont know shit about the Marlins...Gaby Sanchez has been the 1stbaseman for over 2 seasons, not Stanton ,who plays RF..get a clue and stick to soccer,

D Samson
D Samson

Is a curmudgeon the polar opposite off a 24yr old twitter geek displaying the maturity level and humor of a 14 yr old teenager going thru puberty, that trys to get laughs from fart jokes,and other assorted high school jokes????

PattyA
PattyA

He does take advantage of himself.....he makes himself out to be a jerk-off every day.....

FredtheToolsAgent
FredtheToolsAgent

lomo's not a piece of shit tool...he's just a wise ass jock ,trying to make a name for himself by purpously acting like a tool to get attention,,,hoping to make some money out of the deal, before his questionable baseball career ends abruptly due to injury...cant blame a tool for that..

 
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