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In the wee hours of last Monday, America met its newest political prognosticators. Their names are Skrawberry and Tip Drill, and they're two of the finest strippers at Miami megaclub King of Diamonds.
The pair made their national TV debut by sipping pink Moët champagne at 6 a.m. inside Jerry's Deli near the set of MSNBC's Morning Joe, which was broadcasting live from the South Beach diner before the Republican primary.
With about a month to go before the 11 states voting on Super Tuesday decide the race for good, we wanted to get Skrawberry and Tip Drill's thoughts on the remaining contenders. Because they were unfamiliar with any of the Republicans, we showed them a photo of each candidate. Here's what they had to say via text message (spelling and punctuation unaltered):
Rick Santorum: "He look like he cheat and beat on his wife he look like he up to no good."
Newt Gingrich: "Newt Gingrish look like a hackler. He look like he gets on people's nerves just for the fuck of it. If he had any power his theme would be 'off with their heads.'"
Mitt Romney: "Mitt Romney looks like he'd be better off staring in a movie as a presidential candidate and lose... then get mad and try to destroy the winner."
Ron Paul: "Ron Paul is too damn OLD!!!! He probably got grandkids running against him. Ron Paul is too damn old and probably take too many pills for his heart and blood pressure!!! He's like 93 years old."
America, vote accordingly.