Miami's Dirty Dozen 2011

View the Miami New Times Dirty Dozen 2011 slide show.

After four increasingly tooth-grinding seasons, the Miami Dolphins finally tired of Tony Sparano's eternal quest for mediocrity and canned the mustached coach after a putrid 0-7 start.

Florida Gov. Rick Scott tried to regain voters' confidence by working at "everyman" jobs, from the Port of Miami to an ice-cream shop, but he forgot to create work for the rest of us. His promise to add 700,000 new jobs turned out to be bogus.

Tired of waiting for her SUV at the Fontainebleau, LeBron's mom Gloria James hauled off and backhanded a parking valet harder than Dirk Nowitzki rocked the Heat's playoff chances.

Ex-Miami Beach cop Derick Kuilan not only spent a shift drinking with hot women in South Beach but also took one on an ATV joyride that nearly killed two beachgoers lying in his path.

Still best known for the most annoying song ever about "boots wit da fur," rapper Flo Rida finally got back in the headlines — for drunkenly weaving around SoBe in a million-dollar Bugatti.

Republican power player Lincoln Diaz-Balart left Congress to plot regime change in Cuba, but in the meantime he's been making some bank by pimping for Malaysian casino giant Genting as its top local lobbyist.

Thanks to a tell-all biography of Tea Party queen Sarah Palin, Heat legend Glen Rice admitted he once shagged the hockey mom back when she was an Alaska sportscaster and he was a Michigan Wolverines star.

Even as Miami cops shot and killed seven suspects in a seven-month streak, Mayor Tomás Regalado and police Chief Miguel Exposito were too busy pointing fingers and reporting each other to the FBI to do anything about it.

Busted for running an $880 million Ponzi scheme, Napoleonic ex-University of Miami booster Nevin Shapiro tried to bring down the school by alleging he'd paid off Hurricane athletes with cash, hookers, and parties.

In his first term as a U.S. representative, David Rivera faces open investigations from multiple agencies, in part because a local casino mysteriously paid wads of cash to a company his mom owned while he fought for the company's interests.

After ruining American Idol with her banal commentary, Jennifer Lopez lost whatever love Miami had left by divorcing good-guy hubby and superstar crooner Marc Anthony.

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El socio.
El socio.

..."harder than Dirk Nowitzki rocked the Heat's playoff chances."

Umm, fellas, the Miami Heat DID make it to the playoff's...


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Speak for yourself! Marc Anthony had it coming! Those who kill by the sword, will die by the sword! He was a jerk to his former Miss Universe wife.... Karma is really a bitch!


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Glen Rice is dirty for having sex with a--all politics aside--good looking, ambitious woman? Is Miami New Times the reactionary moral order? And it's not illegal nor amoral to lobby. Lobbying isn't a dirty word. Legislators have to get their constituents' input from somewhere. Crybaby.

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