Miami's top news stories of 2011

This month, the two departments attempted to bury the hatchet by playing a softball game — which seems sweet until you remember these aren't warring summer camps but the armed professionals who guard our streets.

Oh, and did we mention that Solange Knowles — Beyoncé's sister— claimed Miami Beach police pulled a switchblade on her when she was trying to enter a nightclub in a banana suit?

Courtesy State Attorney's Office

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Yep, 2011 was that kind of party, the kind where you either spend the next day vomiting into the wastebasket or you mix yourself a Gorbachev-strength bloody mary and hit the sauce even harder. Which do you think Miami will go for?

But at least things are looking up for Chris Bosh. As our Hedwig-loving adventurer lies on the beach, the wind blows a discarded newspaper onto his face. The headline: "NBA Lockout Ends."

After removing it, he spots what looks like two extremely tall figures sprinting down the beach. Could it be? Yes! It's Wayne and LeJohn, running to meet him.

Grinning, he spreads his arms for a big hug. But as his long-lost teammates reach him, LeJohn stiff-arms Chris Bosh, who flops back onto the sand.

The two superstars keep running. That's when our protagonist sees the camera crew following his teammates. The realization hits him like a brick of cocaine thrown from a twin-engine Cessna: They're filming a Gatorade commercial. Without me.