Miami Dolphins will suck this season

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami's NFL franchise.

While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the New York Jets are loading up for Super Bowl runs, the Dolphins are doing their best to suck. When Bill Parcells left the organization last year, team owner Stephen Ross should have thrown out general manager Jeff Ireland and head coach Tony Sparano along with the Big Tuna.

At the end of last season, Ross kept Sparano after he failed to bring in Jim Harbaugh, the ex-Stanford University coach who is now the San Francisco 49ers top man. That was a bad PR and personnel move.

C. Stiles

Now as the preseason is set to begin, Ireland and Sparano have been lackadaisical about bringing some excitement to the team. The Dolphins passed on wide receiver Plaxico Burress, who will now be torching Miami as a member of the Jets. New England also reloaded by landing Miami hometown hero Chad Ochocinco to catch balls from Tom Brady.

The Dolphins' biggest move was trading for Reggie Bush, an injury-prone Hollywood diva who is most likely to get robbed at Miami nightclubs. The ex-Mr. Kardashian won't last down here.

Ireland and Sparano knew the top priority was getting a new quarterback, yet they passed on former Tennessee Titan Vince Young and didn't make a serious play for Denver Bronco Kyle Orton. Instead they picked up a couple more unproven passers to challenge Chad Henne, who can't throw the ball to save his life.

It's just more of the same boring personnel moves by the guys who bafflingly passed on Michael Vick and Randy Moss last year. Pretty much every superstar NFL athlete lives in South Florida during the off-season or at least has a vacation home here. Former University of Miami standout Bryant McKinnie is always telling me that ex-UM players and guys who grew up playing football in the Magic City would love to play for the Dolphins at some point in their careers.

There is no reason the Dolphins should not be making big splashes in the free-agent market.

But I think Ireland and Sparano don't want superstars who will stand up in the locker room and get in everybody's faces. They want a bunch of choir boys.

Right now the only excitement at Dolphins home games will be seeing Serena Williams in a catsuit.

 
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46 comments
kyle payne
kyle payne

I just read this for the first time today and the dolphins are 0-6 there horrible just lost to Denver who scored 15 points in 3 minutes and beat us in overtime. This article was right on

ws
ws

the doplhins and luke both suck

max
max

The article is right on the DOLPHINS will SUCK AGAIN ,What else is new in this town the dolphins haven't made the playoffs since 2001 with a wild card and were DESTROYED by the Baltimore ravens defence 20-3.The dolphins franchise is just there to take up space in the league while a bunch of fat cats make money on the sky box's and cable rights and the the suckers that pay outrageous ticket prices witch is about only half of the stadiums seating.By mid seasons there are still season tickets for sale what a joke>>This is a bush league town when it comes to sports The marlins won two world series in side of ten years not bad for an expansion team and they still cant get any fans. Some times less than three thousand people in the stands.Miami is not a sports town anymore its a dump.But yet some how some way they back doored the new Marlins stadium.Money that should have went to the failing public school system and deteriorating interstructer of Miami Dade county.How can you build a stadium with future revenue when no on goes to the games now????Just another example of how corrupt Dade county is.Even the the Heat choked when they had the chance to spread some light on the town.In the immortal words of JIM MANDICH (rip) "A...... STENCH OF COW MANURE HOVERS OVER ThIS PREFORMANCE BY THE MIAMI DOLPHINS"

Hal2360
Hal2360

Luther sure is opinionated. It's a pity his opinions are all wrong. Who died and left him as the judge?Hal

??
??

Then move out of miami, we really dont need your weak ass "articles" anyways dude. 305 all day round here. WIN OR LOSE WE SUPPORT OUR TEAM.

Khary Pestaina
Khary Pestaina

Old UM Wide Receivers coach Hubbard Alexander has a son- Chad Alexander, who is a rising Player Personnel guy working for the Baltimore Ravens now. I am starting the campaign now. CHAD ALEXANDER for new Dolphins GM.

f b
f b

and thats beating the bills twice

f b
f b

5-11

dolfan
dolfan

1. Stop talking about the Pats and the Jets. 2. Why the hell would we want Young or Orton? For you to complain about some other quarterback? 3. Who on our team is a celebrity/diva besides Bush? Please explain. 4. You're a jackass. Stop being a Negative Nancy. Actually, just be a Jets or Pats fan because you're retarded like them.

Obvious
Obvious

you are a freaking idiot if you think henne is the problem, most of his incompletions came from dropped balls on the numbers. you should stop talking football and start talking lingerie league, I get the impression you know your way around high heels and hose.

Delamarte
Delamarte

Does this cat ever post on this to perhaps stand behind his articles? I'd love to hear him try to explain to us how he has a clue about what all is going on. Or is he the type to post nonsense just to get attention.

denis
denis

Your right but it doesn't take a genius to figure that out.This team is not about football anymore it's about celebrities.How about a new name ,the MIAMI SOUND MACHINE.OOPS ALREADY TAKEN.

Jason A. Saucier
Jason A. Saucier

Stop rapping, stop writing..and start paying your fucking child support..!Stop rapping, stop writing..and start paying your fucking child support..!

Probation Man
Probation Man

For the first time in the history of me reading Luke's stupid racist articles, i have to say he got this one TOTALLY RIGHT!

Luke i commend you on a well written article that actually conveys what most of the South Florida Dolphin fans are asking for. In my opinion, the Dolphins will SUCK this year because they want to get the #1 QB from the draft. Then they will load up and obviously get rid of Ireland and Suckarano..........bring in a bonified coach and a great GM.

Thomas67
Thomas67

You are right! We will suck and it has become the Norm for this team!!!!!!!

joe
joe

I dont care if they have the '72 defense, without an above average quarterback they will NOT win! Dolphins will probably win 4 games this year. Please repost this article at the end of the season....so we can laugh at the delusional fans!

Mangaman52
Mangaman52

Nobody take this article seriously. This man doesn't sound like he has an ounce of NFL knowledge. First of all, the jets lost more contenders that played great for them then anybody else. Lets see Plaxico Burress, two years out of jail AND missing practice for 4 days straight because of a bum ankle. i don't think a man that's sat out for so long should be missing practice. the patriots traded for Ochocinco, if he was actually on the market and expected to be leaving, who knows where he would have actually went. So what if the dolphins didn't pick up so many big names? so we can spend more money? we have a league top defense, one of the best receiving corps and besides marshal, VERY underrated. Fresh running backs, and a revamped line. im not saying top 10, but with an erratic QB, (not terrible) its hard to judge. but to be fair, chad Henne won 7 out of 14 games last season that he started. and it looks like we're only going up from there. even if 7-9 isn't great, i Wouldn't say "they suck". Go get some knowledge before you bash this team. Just because we weren't flashy in the free agency doesn't mean we will "suck". it means we were only just a few moves away. we are solid at every aspect of the team except for QB and in this case they're just giving Henne a bigger chance.

JB
JB

Is that the same Vince Young who QUIT on his team and refused to back into a game because the home fans booed him?

Jorge-zendy Martinez
Jorge-zendy Martinez

Finally this will be the year the Sparano and company will be booted from Miami :)

Jagu211
Jagu211

cry me a river luke. no one cares what you think no matter how much you feel they may. go back to the late 80's, please!

Grimma
Grimma

you will never be welcomed in miami again.

Seth Bergman
Seth Bergman

Correction: "...Plaxico Buress, who will now be shut down by the Dolphins stacked CBs"

Fu
Fu

LOL luke wat a negative fgt u r

Bobby Schonger
Bobby Schonger

and to quote your own words somebody needs to "STICK THEIR DICK IN YOUR BEHIND" cuz you a baby back bitch.

Slippery Soap
Slippery Soap

WTF. I guess Uncle Tom I mean Luke needs to get attention some how after he lost his bid for Miami mayor. LOL. What did you fund your campaign with crack money?

Since you are obviously are a Dolphin hater, I guess we wont be seeing around the Stadium.

I guess if you are going to burn bridges with Miami Fans this is the way to do it.

PS: You and your music suck to.

Carlos Cruz
Carlos Cruz

Hey Puke!! How much do those soupcoolers of yours weigh??? No mention of the Hood today. Another Bluegum shot in LC. Unfortunately, about 1600 more were born today. Damn Puke!! You Bluegums multiply faster than fucking rabbits!!

Phineas Von Maximus
Phineas Von Maximus

Luke who signs your check, I think you need to start supporting the city you work for, the last time I looked it said the Miami New Times at the top of your article. It's not called the "Luke's Bias Chronicle".Hey if you like New York so much why don't you write for them or even Boston's news. I bet most of the Dolphins fans think your an idiot and you don't even know the numbers to back your statements up. Maybe you should stick with rapping cause your gospel smells like it came from where the sun don't shine.(Florida the sunshine state)

Delamarte
Delamarte

Come on. Where's the credibility. In what universe will Plax be torching any other than the cat who signs his check? How many Pro-Bowls has he made in his career? When was the last time he played football? Was he a player on the rise or on the decline at that time? Was he a locker-room problem? Was he suspended for multiple games? What suggests that he is suddenly after two years out of the saddle and at age 34 going to "torch" anyone?

Al
Al

Luke is absolutely right on all counts.

Chet
Chet

Hahah Luke you are absolutely wack and I agree with Jaysizzle. Get you facts straight, other than Chad Henne, their roster is pretty set. And they have one of the best Defenses in the league, so get over the free-agent market and focus on what's real.

Jaysizzle24
Jaysizzle24

Luke is a wack MC..He's stuck on big names...fins 10-6 wild card birth..real talk.Luke is a wack MC..He's stuck on big names...fins 10-6 wild card birth..real talk.

Mattconigliaro
Mattconigliaro

Ha that's funny considering its not who you get on the free agent market, its how well they perform. Last years super bowl champs the packers hardly made any splash at all in free angency and the draft but yet they went all the way. As far as for the qb situation. Brees,Manning,and Favre all struggled in their first three years. I hope you don't get paid for writing articles because quite frankly you sir are the one who sucks.

Tronic954
Tronic954

Luke needs to stick to rapping and producing cause he know nothing

954BOLD
954BOLD

WOW!!!!! Who died and left u in charge of what someone OPINION should be? IT'S HIS OPINION!!!!!

Bocephus
Bocephus

Negative Nancy, you must be a redneck?

Delamarte
Delamarte

and nothing says "I am armed for in an intellegent exchange of ideas" like "Suckarano". If you think that he is a bad coach - let his record and actions speak for that. If he's a bad coach, than folk should be able to come to that conclusion through observations and an exchange of ideas. Using something something so unclever as "Suckarano" simply paints you as a classless fan who has to rely on such schtick because facts and objectivity ellude you.

I feel the same way with fans booing Henne and fans dissing Taylor for going to the Jets.. Do they honestly feel that booing is going to make him play better? Do they think he is sucking just to be a dick to them? And what would they say to JT if JT ripped them apart for the company they worked for?

Delamarte
Delamarte

So, you are saying that guys in charge are going to purposefully tank it, so they can get fired and let the next GM and Coach draft Luck? That is why they are going to suck? Ireland and Sparano are going to get themselves fired so somebody a different coach and GM can get the first overall pick? That might be the most assbackwards logic I have ever heard. No wonder why you gave props to the cat who thinks that Plax is some all world pickup.

Delamarte
Delamarte

Way to set your sights. If we have another losing year, that would be a silver lining - but as a Dolphins fan I (and I am sure many others) am hoping that we see a huge turnaround this year. For all the bad things that have happened to our franchise over the last few years, the most embarrasing thing has been our fans.

Hurts
Hurts

I hate to say it but he's right

Delamarte
Delamarte

What points? Sure, Ireland has made some PR mistakes, but that's about the only relevant thing I read in here.

I would have liked to see Miami give some extra attention to VY, but Matt Moore has shown flashes and isn't a head case.

You do realize that trading for Orton in today's NFL is a little more difficult than trading him in Madden, right?

Do you think that Randy Moss would have been happy in Miami if he wasn't happy in NE with BB as coach, a Superbowl ring and Brady throwing him the ball? How did he do with Jeff Fisher and the Titans? Where is his market now if he would have been so valuable of a pickup?

And for what it is worth - when you look at his conditioning and dedication - it doesn't really seem like the author should be talking to Bryant McKinnie regarding "a love of playing football".

Jayp0106
Jayp0106

I honestly think this"gospel" was a waste of time reading. Luke u thinking like ross in the fact you want big names to come down here...WTF we gon do with Mckinnie big ass?

 
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