Florida's bestiality ban won't ruin our good time

In October, a new law will make Florida the 31st state to outlaw bestiality. Yep, we will be tragically separated from the furry and hoofed objects of our lust, for no reason other than a pesky species divide. It's like a modern-day Romeo and Juliet, if Shakespeare had had the guts to use the phrase donkey cock.

But despite the slings and arrows of outrageous legislation, Floridians will soldier on. Because we can still do a lot of horrible and/or ill-advised shit that's been banned throughout most of the rest of the nation.

Boink Bessie for three more months. Then take solace in the following still-legal activities:

Poke Grandma on Facebook while driving: Our great state is one of seven — South Dakota, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Montana, and Idaho are the usual suspects filling up the rest of this careening, short bus — that have absolutely no laws concerning use of a cell phone while driving, even for school bus drivers. Ohio (whatup, LeBron!) is the only other state with no such laws that doesn't even bother to compile accident statistics concerning phone-distracted drivers, 'cause, you know, like whatever, bitch.

Arm yourself like that dude from Falling Down: You can buy a gold-plated Soviet machine gun with a night-vision scope and fuzzy Hello Kitty decals from a private dealer in the parking lot of a Wendy's, no license required. Then you can go hunting for those human-looking deer that drive cars with "Kerry/Edwards '04" bumper stickers.

Kill the bartender with your cigarette smoke: In Florida, if a bar or restaurant makes less than 10 percent of its earnings from food, you can smoke. That will teach her to make a weak fuzzy navel.

 
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14 comments
kobidobidog
kobidobidog

Jesus is our example but people seem to think that Jesus taught us to to think,..Hmmmm Let me think,...... who can I arrest today?  There must be something.   OH yea,.... I know I will make a law and say it is an arrestable offensive,... yea that's it.  Jesus did not do that,  correct?

Tracey
Tracey

Now I know why those Hatians here in Miami buy all those Goat heads with the tongue attached ....eeyyooooooowwwuwuuuuuuuuuooooo .

Randy Wertz
Randy Wertz

Well, at least the sheep will sleep better at night....

Jessica463
Jessica463

Is there a high number of beastiality in the US that people dont know about? I know there are plenty of foreigners who have done this but never heard of people in the US,

Watch_those_facts
Watch_those_facts

Actually the part about cell phones is not quite right - there may not be state laws about cell phone and driving - but there ARE COUNTY laws that make it a violation to use anything other than a hands-free cell phone while driving. See link below...

http://library.municode.com/HT...

harry nutzack
harry nutzack

yup, all those tea party folks you dopes voted in are really showing their agenda.... this helps our financial crisis how? our multiple wars how? our unemployed how? more grandstanding for the "morally superior" intellectually challenged redneck constituency they pander to.. and no, im not in favor of beastiality, but i find it much less worrisome than LOTS of issues these numbskulls see fit to ignore completely

BobbyVero
BobbyVero

What a joke! The only thing surprising about this is that it didnt come out of our Congress. Its the kind of thing that they can vote on. Lord knows they cant vote to manage debt or create jobs.

Chris Sinclair
Chris Sinclair

Just waiting for the politically correct to label society beastiality phobic or pedophile phobic for not agreeing with child molesters. Wait maybe I should invent a new one Negro phobia for all the people grabbing their purse when I walk by.

john
john

I hear what your saying Chris. You're going to be hearing that a child molester was born that way and is a normal human next. I can't believe what our country has become. To Curtis every race has their scum. We all need to unite in this country of every race and fight all these laws being passed where two men can get married and bring God back to the government or we are going to be in bad shape 10 years down the road.

Curtis Jones
Curtis Jones

thats because most blacks would steal there purse after 200 years and lots of schooling more blacks still act like animals and think someone owes them something

Emerson W
Emerson W

Whites don't steal, never have, never will.

Nashell1
Nashell1

Such a dumb racist comment! Jackass

 
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