Superman goes by many titles: Man of Steel, Last Son of Krypton, and Illegal Alien. He arrived on Earth from another planet, like E.T. and Dennis Rodman, with the goal of helping mankind through the use of his incredible abilities. His non-American origin was discovered by Donald Trump after numerous requests to see his long-form birth certificate. Superman enjoyed a long career with extraordinary superhuman powers yet somehow consistently failed to keep Gene Hackman behind bars. With his alter ego Clark Kent, a mild-mannered reporter for TMZ, Superman spent his life battling his greatest enemy of all an affliction called dissociative identity disorder.
Poor guy. We should have recognized his frail mental condition sooner. Donning underwear over tight pants is a pretty obvious sign something is seriously wrong with the dude. Damn you, American health-care system! But at least his birthday will be happy, because the Miami Children's Museum has put together a little celebration for Superman. (Or is it for Clark Kent? Were just not sure anymore.) Youll be able to read through many comic books and even create one of your own. Happy Birthday Superman takes place on Thursday.
Thu., June 30, 3:30 p.m., 2011