How Luther Campbell will win

Conventional wisdom has taught serious candidates that to win a countywide election for mayor, they need at least a half-million bucks and a first name like Julio or Carlos. The only time an African-American has come close to sitting in the mayor's chair was 1996, when the late Arthur Teele narrowly lost a runoff against Alex Penelas, who served as Miami-Dade's top elected official for eight years. That election put the county's great ethnic divide on full display. Teele received 82 percent of the African-American vote, but it wasn't enough to beat Penelas, who won with 62 percent of the Hispanic vote.

So where does that leave Luther "Luke" Campbell? Despite an 11-candidate field, the May 24 special election is really a contest among four contenders: Campbell and three well-known Cuban-American politicians — Hialeah Mayor Julio Robaina, recently resigned county Commissioner Carlos Gimenez, and former state Rep. Marcelo Llorente. The trio has the advantage with well-financed campaigns stocked with political consultants schooled in the dark art of getting out the vote by busing in elderly voters and collecting absentee ballots. And they have the right-sounding nombres.

Already old-school journalists from the mainstream media are giving the onetime raunchiest man in hip-hop no shot. But we had our intern, University of Miami political science major Jose "Pepito" de la Gracia, compile the factors that will propel Campbell to victory:

• Miami hipsters. Nothing gets this crowd going more than playing an ironic joke on the mainstream masses. All Luke has to promise them are cases of PBR beer, a gift certificate to Sweat Records, and free entry to the next Girl Talk concert at the Fillmore.

• University of Miami football fans. As soon as Luke throws up the U hand sign at any of the polling stations, all Hurricanes fans will cast their ballots for him. Plus his campaign colors are the Canes' orange and green.

• Single moms. In spite of his promise to tax strippers, baby mamas support Luke because of his fine work keeping inner-city boys out of trouble with his youth baseball and football programs.

• Protest voters. Anybody who is sick and tired of seeing the same cookie-cutter Cuban-American Republican candidates run for office is gonna vote for Luke.

• A major hurricane hits Hialeah. The perfect storm ravages Julio Robaina's headquarters, obliterating all the absentee ballots his political machine is collecting from the viejitos that live in Hialeah public housing.

• Miami New Times readers. If every person who religiously reads this newspaper tells five friends to vote for Luke, he has this election in the bag. So do your job! Punch 17 on May 24!

 
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54 comments
Morediva1
Morediva1

It's "funny" how certain "characters" (some of the SAME people, different sites) will take the time and the NERVE to actually "blog" nasty, racial, and unnecessary hateful comments about certain candidates, with unbelievable "grammatical" errors and sentences you can barely understand!! Did you "go" to any Mayoral Forums to "hear" the candidates answer the questions & concerns of the City....or did the "keyboard cowards" stayed standing behind their "web aliases" spewing "hate from the sidelines" as usual?? Obviously, since YOU YOURSELF can't "run" for the Mayor Of Miami-Dade, "talk" through your VOTES today at the polls....or are you too "scared" to come out in public and SHOW YOUR FACE to "cast" your ballots???

By the way, Go Luke!!!

Frank R
Frank R

when i got here in 1968,all the houses here were neglected and old looking because Americans are cheap and lazy,they don't fix it until its broke.The hard working Cubans of 1965 thru1982 definitely made Miami what it is today.not the LAZY AMERICAN GRINGO the real hard workers are the ones.

Mplongo
Mplongo

The only candidate whose workers have NOT inundated my phone with unwanted, Spanish-language (sorry, I'm one of the few true Americans left in Miami) recorded calls is Luther Campbell. I have called al of those obnoxious numbers and told them that if they are paying for these calls, they're wasting money because no one in my home understands Spanish. I asked them all to please take my number off their call lists. The responses? Robaina - Sorry,no speekee Inglich. Gimenez - OK, we will remove your number. Llorente - no Eenglich. The next day - calls from all three camps. Last night- two cals from each camp, all in Spanish. So, Luther, thank you for instructing your campaign workers manners, consideration and class. You have my vote - good luck!

Tito burrito
Tito burrito

Opa-Loka like...Hialeah like...... lol I hope he wins, only because I am sick of the traditional mayors that have a need to slap women, punch men, allow contractors to hire illegals or non locals. Let's Dance

Tony
Tony

As is typical for New Times: This article actualy said nothing as to why luther campbel should win other then he is the underdog with no set plan or agenda. It made a mockery of political analisys by suggesting ethnic voting blocks rule the city when it stated that blacks voted overwhelmingly( 80% +) voyed for arthure teele ( hey that was a good thing) but hispanics only voted 60%+ for penelas) which was a bad thing....thank god this paper is still on the periphery of any real news, analisys or information.. because if anybody followed up on what it says we would have real anarchy on our hands.

Carlos
Carlos

Tony, this rag is nothing but a Mullet Wrapper run by a bunch of out of state bias homosexuals who have no frikin clue as to what and who built this city. Nothing against their sexual preference but its the plain truth. Their stories are nothing but garbage and are written to stir and seperate the people of South Florida.

Truthhurts
Truthhurts

luke wont win luke no luck luke wont win cause luke still sucks..... rap on that cambell... u suck....period the end ...come tommorow night ure going to be embarassed by the amount of votes u garnish or should i say lack there of... stick to...oh wait i was about to say stick to writing but u suck at that too..

Bocanegrarafael
Bocanegrarafael

I tell you what a sure fire way to discount anyone running for office in Miami Dade county let me refrase that to discount any politician running for whatever office in this country from reaching whatever office he or her is running for all that person needs to do is become endorse by your magazine so goodbye uncle luke.

HowardCamner
HowardCamner

Luke isn't "qualified" to be a role model for this dirtbag city? Sure he is. My dog is. And yes we're tired of the same old s....stuff. All we do is wait for the next guy to be caught in something. At least with Luke you know exactly what you're getting. There won't be any bad surprises, only good ones. This city has to change. No more of more of the same. It's ridiculous.

B Mclaughlin
B Mclaughlin

Miami has become such a lovely place since the Mariel boatlift. Thanks for that, Jimmy Carter. Hardly any crime, urban blight, or political corruption at all any more.

Tony
Tony

oh god, you have no clue...as a life long Miamian I can tell you we were a corrupt. crime ridden (mafia) plagued city way before mass immigration from Cuba. Back then we were the deep southwith a tourist bent where the good ole boys ruled, corruption was endemic to elections and the police and polticos were all interlocked in one big mess.

Jrod1165
Jrod1165

It has been the Cubans that put not just Miami but most of South Florida on the map. Before the 1959 Cuban Revolution, Miami was a backward, sleepy Anglo and Black- American town. Today, Miami is a vibrant city. Many Blacks and other racial groups that live in Miami have jobs thanks to the Cubans that have created jobs throughout the region. Every American city has to deal with crime, corruption and urban blight. Chicago, Illinois for instance, has always been one of the most corrupt cities in the United States.

Georgeg023
Georgeg023

You are jealous that the Cubans are making something of themselves. How many whites don’t have anything to show? They have been here so long and are broke. Why aren’t you running if you are so smart?

Matthew Earl
Matthew Earl

Hey moron I take offense from that. And since when was Miami's "white" community broke? Coral Gables? Pinecrest? Brickell? Coconut Grove? Really? Thats broke? You're an idiot. Just because someone does not have a crony to serve and protect their community does not mean they are poor. Just because someone does not drive a new BMW and lives in a 5-6 bedroom home does not mean they are poor. You have no clue what poor is. This "white" guy moved out of Miami last summer and never looking back. I can only hope for change in that dump for the rest.

Matthew Earl
Matthew Earl

No, try again. From what I heard, Miami was a much happier place before the Mariel boat lift.

Bonez1289
Bonez1289

miami...... are we really this stupid to even consider this guy? maybe if we spent a little more money on school instead of blowing it all on partying and a worthless stadium we wouldnt have dumb niggas running for mayor. Also off topic but now that i got u, i hate driving here -.- learn to drive ur 94' civic, ur not driving a donkey anymore

Valzero
Valzero

Bone head, you ride the donkey not drive it. True we would not have your dumb ass in here if it was not for Miami-Dade public school system. I also know that you will be one of the first retards to be at the first game.

Jermaine
Jermaine

Luther Campbel's Sheet:

Rapper infamous for his crude, vulgar, misogynistic, sexually explicit lyrics and videos.● Exploited women and caused controversy to sell his albums.● Reached success as a rapper not for his musical talents but for the unrelenting sexually explicit content of his songs: “As Nasty As They Want To Be” (1989), “I Got Shit On My Mind” (1992), “In The Nude” (1993), “Back at Your Ass for the Nine-4″ (1994), “Me So Horny” (1989), “Face Down, Ass Up” (1990), “Pop That Pussy” (1991), etc.● Accused of paying “bounties” to University of Miami football players for scoring touchdowns, knocking opposing players out of games, etc.● Sued by filmmaker George Lucas for infringing on the name of his Star Wars character, Luke Skywalker. Campbell had to change the name of his record label from Luke Skywalker Records to Luke Records.● Filed for bankruptcy in 1995 (His company Luke Records.)● Sued in 1993 for copyright violations for his parody of Roy Orbison’s hit song “Oh, Pretty Woman.” The Supreme Court decided that commercial parody can qualify as fair use and that his parody didn’t violate the copyright held by Acuff Rose.(1994 Case: Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music or here) ● Had to pay $1.6 million judgment for cheating fellow rapper M.C. Shy D (a.k.a. Peter Jones) out of his royalties by understating album sales and overstated expenses. Arrests and Charges (Partial)● Arrested in 1990 on charges of public obscenity after performing material from his 2LiveCrew’s album As Nasty As They Wanna Be in a nightclub in Hollywood, Florida. An appeals court overturned the judge’s initial ruling that their album violated local community standards of decency without possessing any mitigating artist merit. The Supreme Court declined to reconsider the appeals court decision. The group was later acquitted of obscenity charges.● Arrested in 1992 after fight at a hotel in Shreveport, Louisiana.● Arrested in 1993 for disorderly conduct after he became abusive to workers at a restaurant in a Chicago.● Arrested in 1994 for simulating sex onstage in Georgia.● Charged in 1994 with assault for threatening his girlfriend with a gun.● Arrested in 1994 for inciting a riot at a nightclub in Birmingham, AL. “Campbell encouraged the audience on Saturday to act after police at the club said things were getting out of control. Earlier, some of Campbell’s women dancers stripped down to G-strings and simulated sex.”● Arrested in 1999 on assault charges for striking a college student, 18, in the face with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s at a club in Miami Beach. “The victim apparently was blocking Mr. Campbell’s view of a show…Words were exchanged, so Mr. Campbell took the bottle of whiskey and struck the victim.”● Pleaded guilty in 2003 to an obscenity charge for a performance at a North Charleston nightclub the previous year. “The Miami-based rapper pleaded guilty last month [Oct. 2003] to aiding and abetting another person to expose body parts in a lewd and lascivious manner..” Dorchester County prosecutor Walter Bailey told AP, “That might go over in South Beach, or wherever he’s from, but it not going to fly in Dorchester County.”● Arrested in 2009 for not paying child support:

ALBUM: I Got Shit on My Mind (1992)- Song: “Pussy Ass Kid and Hoe Ass Play (Payback is a Mutha Fucker)”- Song: “I Ain’t Bullshittin’, Pt. 4″- Song: “Ain’t That a Bitch, Pt. 1″- Song: “Head, Head and More Head”- Song: “Ain’t That a Bitch, Pt. 2″ ALBUM: In the Nude (1993)- Song: “We’re Fuckin’”- Song: “Pimple on My Dick”- Song: “Stop Looking at My Dick” ALBUM: Somethin’ Nasty (2001)Nearly half the song titles on this album have names of genitalia or sexual acts:- Song: “Suck This Dick”- Song: “Hoes”- Song: “Eat the Pussy”- Song: “We Want Big Dick” ALBUM: My Life & Freaky Times (2006)- Song: “Pop That Pussy”- Song: “South Beach Bitches”- Song: “Foreplay aka the Introduction”- Song: “Hoes and Stage Shows” Campbell is rashly throwing empty slogans around ● Wants to open strip clubs everywhere.● Wants to tax strippers.● Wants more liquior stores open 24 hours

Mr.Dingdong
Mr.Dingdong

This Jerkmaine guy is just a nerd that never got laid in his miserable life. This guy probably owns several dildos and rubber dolls.

B Mclaughlin
B Mclaughlin

DUDE ! You have way, way too much time on your hands. Have you considered a hobby ?

Elizabeth
Elizabeth

Luther Campbell introduced that women were sexual objects into mainstream. He propelled the demoralizing, demeaning role of women, portraed a false perception that drugs, alcohol and money into something they are not. He's role was a force in what became one of the most pornografic trends in music history to be launched into this country setting an impacting negative trend that has held our young hostage and led them down into hell. A habitual drug user, and a mastermind in what has become an assualt of the senses to the vunerable.

We can thank this low life of a person for his modeling behaviour.

He is absolutely not qualified to be a role model to anyone and much less run a community.

He's contribution to America, the black community and humanity overall is as perverted and horrid as Marilyn Manson.

Alvarado1
Alvarado1

Marilyn Manson is a goddamn genius. You're just a repressed sex freak.

Brenda
Brenda

I rather waste my vote and vote for Luther Campbell than to vote for another Cuban candidate who policies only really benefit the Cuban community.

Carlos
Carlos

Brenda, the Cuban candidates' policies benefit only themselves and their cronies. I have yet to receive a single cent from any of their policies. Before you start spewing unfounded garbage from your mouth, do some research bitch.

Matthew Earl
Matthew Earl

Umm... hey asshole you have the nerve to call someone a "bitch" on here, huh? Real tough internet guy you are, huh? This is why I will NEVER vote for any of your cuban cronies. Then again, Miami-Dade is for losers and I am no longer a part of your banana republic caste. You suck.

Carlos
Carlos

Fatfuck.... Besame el culo llegua!! Translation: Mamame la pinga gordo maricon.

Your friend,Carlos Cubano!!!!!

BTW; BITCH!!!!

JP
JP

I don't understand what's the hate against the Cuban community. Fact is, if this guy was somewhat smart and really wanted to have a chance of winning this election, he will probably be trying to sway some Cuban vote his way. What I dislike the most about this guy is that he's trying to win his way through with black votes and anti-cuban. Your running to serve EVERYBODY in this community, not just a selected few.

Matthew Earl
Matthew Earl

And this is precisely why Miami will never be a real city. The idiots down there only serve their own communities and not the others. What you have in Miami-Dade county is corruption and failure, not leadership. It was just time for me to get out.

Carlos
Carlos

Thanks for leaving fatfuck. At least now we dont have to wait behind you at the all you can eat buffet while you stuff that lazy fat ass of yours.BTW: Bitch

Alvarado1
Alvarado1

I'm gonna bet you are a 400 pound Cubanaso from Hialeah who's been banned from every Golden Corral in south Florida.

BabyGirl2
BabyGirl2

The Cuban Community never cosidered the other communities. When the shoe is on the other foot the haters start to scream. Uncle Luke will be a welcome change to Miami.

Usaliberty2011
Usaliberty2011

Jose "Pepe" CANCIO is the ONLY person for this job. He is honest, loyal, trustworthy and a business man with a proven track record. This is what our county needs.

HIHATERS
HIHATERS

Hey Luke, why u gotta be such a hater on the Cubans dawg?? If it wasn't for us, there'd be no "Two Live Pew" LOL!!!!

Reign
Reign

Yay Luke for Mayor !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gamalr
Gamalr

wheny will yahoo seriously stop placing this on the headlines.

Richneli
Richneli

Im seriously thinking about never using Yahoo just for the same reason.

AL
AL

All the African Americans I know are voting for Roosevelt Bradley!!!!!!!!!!!Luther Campbell is a JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!

Africaqueenbee
Africaqueenbee

That's a lie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Burkemister
Burkemister

if you belieave that than you will get a big suprise come tue.luke will be a real contender.you got it wrong all of the cubans are a joke.why put another back when we had to kick the last one out.it is time for a change.

Alvarado1
Alvarado1

you and audrey edmonson must be feeling pretty lonely.

fan
fan

Audrey Edmondson is a fake and a fraud...When Jackson Health Systems in which one of the hospital nursing homes is in her district reached out to her for her support she turned her back on J.H.S. which by the way employs a large contigent of african americans.

Richneli
Richneli

Seriously now; I think Pepito doesn't like you. You are yet to come up with a serious plan to fix this mess with are in. All I read on your page is taxing stripper, political bashing, reverse racial profiling, and BS. Word of advise, don't quit your job, or perhaps you should; you suck at it anyway...

MP
MP

Richnei, you should never entertain the ideal of being a journalist neither a commentary your prejudices views incorrect info sucks even greater....

Richneli
Richneli

First of all, he is not a journalist. Dont embarrass yourself entertaining that idea. Just because he can express his views on a really cheap piece of toilet literature magazine, and on this venue doesnt make him a journalist. Furthermore on your "prejudise views" comment; do your research on this guy and come back and admit reality.

Alvarado1
Alvarado1

Richneli why don't you learn how to write English before you knock someone's journalistic skills.

Matthew Earl
Matthew Earl

Someone call the bigot AND the grammar police on this person.

Matthew Earl
Matthew Earl

But you must also remember that in 1996 there were probably more African-Americans in Dade county. A great majority of them have moved to other parts of the state by now.

Burkemister
Burkemister

no more blacks did not leave what happen is more wetfoot dryfoot..made it to shoreb after they were smuggled in to this country.

 
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