By Jacob Katel
By Laurie Charles
By Nate "Igor" Smith
By Abel Folgar
By Kat Bein
By Jacob Katel
A strange and highly mutated (or some would say evolved) breed of great apes emerged approximately 200,000 years ago on the African continent. These creatures had huge brains. They were physically weak, slow, and basically hairless. Yet they strutted around the jungle like hot shit on two legs.
Blessed with the ability to vocalize and the capacity to develop complex linguistic systems, these freaks of nature began to speak, a talent they liked to show off now and again with what we might now call a party, i.e., enormous raging fires, naked dancing, and lots of rhythmic, grunt-like wordplay set to the bang of primitive bongos.
Obviously, we're talking about the human race, AKA homo sapiens. And the finest specimen this species has ever produced was born only 38 years ago in Oakland, California. His birth certificate reads Teren Delvon Jones. But the world knows him better as Del the Funky Homosapien, a West Coast rapper, cousin of Ice Cube, and occasional Gorillaz collaborator.
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His brain is bigger. He's stronger, faster, and wears finer fur than other human beings. He struts with superior style. And his language skills are so freaking advanced that they make the rest of mankind seem like we just walked out of the Stone Age.
In other words, Del isn't just a funky dude. He's a superhomosapien.