For the first time since I was a child, I who normally sleep naked except for diamond earrings am not wearing them, Mario Cantone utters. He's reading from One Lifetime Is Not Enough, Zsa Zsa Gabor's memoir about her 72 hours in jail. It's part of Celebrity Autobiography, where stars read excerpts from other celebrity tell-alls. At past performances, Saturday Night Live's Rachel Dratch channeled Good Morning America's Joan Lunden to explain she oils doorknobs so that her early mornings don't wake her family. And actors Kristen Johnston and Ryan Reynolds read from the dueling memoirs of ex-lovers Loni Anderson and Burt Reynolds. Here's hoping all of this heavy-handed sarcasm shames future celebrities from taking their insipid lives so seriously in book form. When Celebrity Autobiography hits the Arsht Center's Carnival Studio Theater this week, there will be no shortage of material to be mocked. You might hear everything from vintage Vanna White Speaks to more current dribble, such as Britney Spears's diary. The Miami stop, which runs through May 15, includes live readings by Cantone, Dratch, Sharon Gless, Desperate Housewives' Roger Bart, and show creators Dayle Reyfel and Eugene Pack. Celebrity Autobiography won the 2009 Drama Desk Award for Unique Theatrical Experience.
Thursdays-Sundays, 8 p.m. Starts: May 5. Continues through May 15, 2011