The Daily Cramp attempts to explain PMS to men

You can't spell success without PMS. At least according to a couple of Miami investment bankers and a tech guy from Texas. The trio has designed a free email newsletter that notifies men of what's happening with their woman's menstrual cycle.

They named it, of course, the Daily Cramp.

Jon Hilley, the Cramp's 29-year-old creator, says he came up with the idea while talking to his girlfriend about her "hormone schedule." The former Goldman Sachs employee had never heard of such a thing.

The Daily Cramp urges men to "know her flow," or else.
The Daily Cramp urges men to "know her flow," or else.

"Guys think women just have a period once a month and bleed," Hilley says. "But the chemicals in their bodies are constantly changing; that's why their emotions change." So he decided to create an email update that would let men know what mood their missus had in store for them that day.

It's simple. Enter your email address, your lady's name, and the last time she had her period and — voila! — you now have a master's degree in menstruation.

"It's 1 part science, 1 part Dear Abby, and all parts funny," the website says.

Well, they got the Dear Abby part right.

Here's an example of the Daily Cramp, which went live last Friday: "Today's status: still bleeding. In fact, a tidal wave of dark red and watery brown river water is flowing out of me right now.

"Your path to a no strings attached BJ begins and ends with sympathy," the newsletter then advises. "Be nice, be sympathetic, and be down with the fur on my leg. If you don't, you'll blow your chances (pun intended)."

Classy.

The startup even has its own logo: a giant female bear attacking a tiny, helpless man. The message is clear: "Know her flow," or else.

Hilley says the newsletter might be vulgar, but it doesn't insult women. "We want to be right on the edge without going over." So why risk the wrath of feminists — or humans with good taste, for that matter — to tell men about a topic most would rather pretend didn't exist?

"Email newsletters aren't a sexy business, but they can literally print money for the people who start them," Hilley says. After studying successful newsletters such as Thrillist, he projects the Daily Cramp can generate a whopping $77 million in advertising sales in just three years. "We're banking on a viral effect," he says.

Yet even Hilley has doubts. "Will this turn into something that people want to get every day?" he wonders.

Bloody good question.

 
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5 comments
Elyse Wanshel
Elyse Wanshel

So, let me get this straight because my brain is so full of all these crazy hormonal emotions and it's kind of hard to think sometimes: Because we're "out of order" once of a month we're just supposed to give out bjs? What a revelation! I'll make sure to do that just as soon as I get home from work, cook dinner, feed the kids, clean up after dinner, iron my man's clothes while he plays PS3 for hours, put the kids to sleep, shave my legs, and have a sexy lingerie pillow fight with all my BFFS (who all work in porn!). Thanks Daily Cramp! I'm not offended at all.

Demimonster
Demimonster

I signed up my boyfriend on Monday. It's GENIUS!!!

Alejandro
Alejandro

OMG this shit is epic. Can I track multiple girls or just one?

TheDailyCramp
TheDailyCramp

It's just like some jack@ss Goldman guy to make ridiculous projections like that... pretty soon, him and his awful Crazy Bear are going to take the entire newsletter world down with him, just like he did the financials.

 
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