By Monique Jones
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By Michael E. Miller
Sure, you can giggle at the fluorescent, Ecstasy-influenced ensembles that sweep the Beach during Winter Music Conference. And you probably secretly snickered at the snooty truffle-oil-and-saffron sect with their fancy palates and out-of-state license plates as they threw down ridiculous amounts of cash during the South Beach Wine & Food Festival last week. But if you want a good, genuine gut-buster that doesn't involve food bloat or a disagreeable magic mushroom, catch the sixth annual South Beach Comedy Festival this week.
As usual, Comedy Central will return as the LOL-palooza's national media partner, bringing with it big acts such as Doug Benson, Adam Carolla, and Wanda Sykes. We caught up with all three (which was surprisingly hard — Benson's pretty fast for a stoner) and chatted about pot, stupid Hawaiians, and why girls who hang out on street corners aren't necessarily hookers.
First up was Benson, armed with his signature beard (no, not a starlet pretending to be his girlfriend, actual face follicles) and a raunchy sense of humor. You've seen Benson in Best Week Ever, the fifth season of NBC's Last Comic Standing, the pro-marijuana documentary Super High Me, and sitting on a throne as one hysterical asshole in The Benson Interruption.
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New Times: If you could interrupt anyone at any time, who would it be, and when would you want to interrupt them?
Doug Benson: I guess it would've been cool to interrupt Kanye while he was interrupting Taylor, which is what her boyfriend — who was standing right there — should've done but didn't. Stupid werewolf. No wonder she broke up with him.
The Benson Interruption is based on a long-running live stage show you did in L.A. Where did you come up with the idea?
I'd be in the back of the comedy club, waiting to go on, cracking jokes about what the comics were saying. So I thought, Why not do that on stage, into a microphone while the comics are doing their acts? Not to be rude, just to make it funnier.
Since you love movies, what movie released in 2010 do you think the Academy snubbed?
Would you rather time-travel in a phone booth or a DeLorean? And to where would you time travel and why?
I'd go with the booth, because there is no time period in history when a DeLorean wouldn't stick out like a sore DeLorean. I'd go back to the weekend Scott Pilgrim opened in theaters and try to convince more people to see it. Or just go a few years into the future and hope weed is legal by then.
If you could be any Disney princess, who would you be and why?
Milan, because she fights like a boy.
What three words come to mind when you think of Miami? Why?
New Times: Being that you worked closely with Dr. Drew for many years on Loveline, how do you feel about a show like Celebrity Rehab?
Adam Carolla: To me, it's one of these things like if somebody says, "We can get this person some help, but we're going to exploit them in the process of doing it." To me it's kind of, like, I don't give a shit — if you're getting them help, you're getting them help... With Drew, people are always questioning where he's coming from: If he just wants the money, or he's exploiting people. And it's like, look, a couple of people get cured, and a couple hundred people watch and think, You know what? I'm going to start this dialog with my kid now, or, Jesus Christ, I don't want to end up like that.
Is there anyone in particular you think should be on Celebrity Rehab?
Ha! Me, maybe next season. Or four, five seasons from now. I have twins, almost 5 years old, that can drive me insane. I don't need to dry out, just chill out. I'll be the guy laying low on the couch with a beer-cozy. It'd be like, "Hey Adam, is that a Michelob in your hand?" And I'd be like, "Oh, no, it's cool. I'm just watching the game... We have a barbecue today? OK, cool, I think I can do that."
What's bugging you nowadays?
I'm being driven nuts by insane people who don't know how to argue and the fact that everyone's feelings need to be considered. Like, it would be impossible to build the Golden Gate Bridge nowadays, because first we'd have to discuss it for ten years. There'd be all these environment-impact reports and all these different groups that are against building it, and it would just never get done. It'd just be a decade of I have an opinion, and it's wrong, but it's different from yours, so we have to discuss it. Some people should just shut up and let the experts do the driving.