By Chuck Strouse
By Scott Fishman
By Terrence McCoy
By Ryan Yousefi
By Ciara LaVelle, Kat Bein, Carolina Del Busto, and Liz Tracy
By Pepe Billete
By Ryan Yousefi
By Kyle Swenson
•Miami-based porn star Capri Anderson had the misfortune of meeting perennial moron Charlie Sheen and a mound of cocaine. Sheen was discovered trying to bust down a hotel bathroom door to get at Anderson, whom he accused of stealing his watch.
•Flaky football swami Bill Parcells retreated from the Dolphins executive vice-presidency to become a consultant, so we blame him for the second straight crap-tastic season.
•Jennifer Lopez was once an A-lister. But after Gigli and a legendary string of criminally-bad romantic comedies, she's been relegated to a judgeship on American Idol. Here's hoping she gives up cinema.
•Rapper Wyclef Jean was busted mismanaging his Haitian charity and then attempted to run for president of the country. Declared ineligible for office, he came up with a whiny song about the experience.
•Homophobic reggae star Buju Banton faces a potential federal prison sentence for trying to buy kilos of cocaine from an undercover agent in Miami.
•Skinflint Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria scammed taxpayers into paying for a new stadium despite secret eight-figure profits. He released eventual World Series hero Cody Ross and traded slugger Dan Uggla.
•Latin crooner Carlos Bertonatti drunkenly mowed down a cyclist and then allegedly fled the scene.
•Pesky billionaire auto magnate Norman Braman petitioned for a recall of inept Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez. Hizzoner filed, then dropped, a futile lawsuit and may face voters' wrath.
•New Times exposed Christian junk scientist George Alan Rekers, once paid $120,000 for expert testimony against gay adoption, taking a European vacation with a male prostitute.