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International Burn a Koran Day: What else can we torch September 11?

Gainesville pastor Terry Jones has set off a firestorm by planning "International Burn a Koran Day" for September 11 to protest the "religion of the Devil." As Jones posits on YouTube: "I mean ask yourself: Have you ever really seen a really happy Muslim?"

Never — except for Barack Obama on Inauguration Day. Are we right, Glenn Beck? Boy, these are great times to be a bloated white man hopped up on scripture, bigotry, and Pepsi Max.

But look, while everybody is burning sacred documents, we have a few items to toss on to the pyre. Anybody bring marshmallows?

The Constitution: Yeah, it had a few good passages. But it also declared that a black person is three-fifths of a human being, said soldiers can squat in our homes, and totally overused the word shall. Get a thesaurus or get torched.

The menu at T.G.I.Friday's: Just what in hell is a Jack Daniel's glaze anyway?

Marc Sarnoff's ethics syllabus: After Miami Commissioner Michelle Spence-Jones was indicted, former colleague Sarnoff cosponsored an ordinance giving ethics courses to city pols. Since then, he's been exposed (by this rag) for crony-tastic hiring practices and keeping an illegal office. Looks like he snoozed through his own class.

Lil Wayne's book of lyrics: No matter how long you stretch the syllables, we're pretty sure mammogram does not rhyme with Ho Chi Minh. Sorry.

The Swedish flag: Between the sensible furniture, free health care, and Candace Bergen, is there room for one more country in the Axis of Evil?

The Florida Marlins' new stadium contract: We already knew taxpayers got reamed in subsidizing the Marlins' new stadium. Now leaked financial statements reveal team owner Jeffrey Loria smacked us silly, applied clamps to our nipples, and called us Betty. Our safe word is flamethrower.

 
  • Mary Martins 09/17/2010 8:06:00 PM

    There is nothing left to burn now that The Ugliest American, Terry Jones, spawn of Satan himself, has torched the last vestige of hope, tolerance, and flexibility the Muslim world might have had for us, at worst. What a vile, despicable POS (and any of his ignoramus brainwashed, like followers) he truly is. Allah is waiting for you Sir. And its not to provide 72 silicone-breasted bay watch bimbo virgins.

  • Chris 09/11/2010 6:29:00 AM

    What Hater said, YES!!

  • Hater 09/09/2010 11:44:00 PM

    The world should come together as a whole and burn the Qur’an on Saturday. Any religion that forces extremism should not be tolerated. ALL MUSLIMS IN AMERICA SHOULD BE INTERNED AND DEPORTED FROM THE USA regardless of whether or not they were born here. Allowing these people to create fear and mayhem all over the world is ludicrous. Our own government is sympathetic to the Muslims who are slowly and quietly spreading throughout the world like locust. Wake up America!!! Unfortunately, by the time you do it would be too late. Welcome to the world of ISLAM!

  • Me 09/09/2010 10:17:00 PM

    That pastor is a complete idiot! He's just as bad as the Muslim EXTREMISTS...Extremists being the operative word. There are plenty of happy Muslims Terry Jones, you idiot

  • 09/09/2010 9:07:00 PM

    Burn NEWTIMES

  • nevergetcaught! 09/09/2010 4:42:00 AM

    http://thenevergetcaughtshow.blogspot.com/ The Nevergetcaught Show! thenevergetcaughtshow.blogspot.com

  • FormerOutlet 09/09/2010 3:32:00 AM

    Add this to the filth that your writers side with. I have since stopped distributing your "newspaper" at all of our restaurants. I'll make sure my business partners do the same as well. Consider all advertisement opportunities GONE.

  • Carol Ann 09/09/2010 2:39:00 AM

    Why would Muslims blame all Americans for what some dumbasses (Terry Jones and his "followers") do? Most Americans, including our military and our President condemn burning the Quran. Herein lies the problem, innocent people should not be hurt or die because of the actions of some IDIOTS! Here in America, we are free. Sometimes, free to do dumb shit. People invert Crosses, burn them, dunk them in piss (anybody heard of the Piss Christ which was supposed to be "art"?) and do all kinds of fucked-up shit. Is it right? No! It pisses me off when someone fucks with my religion... but I don't kill them. They are not infidels - just fucking idiots. Period.

  • Norm Barnes 09/08/2010 6:10:00 PM

    The AP Photo of protesters looks like a drug cartel picnic rather than religious zealots. Can they produce any more clear picture of their own lunacy than this. What they appear to believe in is Anarchy and bullyism. If the people of one of the largest religions on earth wish to be represented let it be by characters who show them honor. Terry Jones is "doing his own thing" and will pay the price but he fails to represent the American People. The panic in the world is created by the mobsters in this AP picture -- may they all burn in hell.

  • farhan nafis 09/08/2010 5:51:00 PM

    Quran is a holy book like other holy books of Christians & Jews,if you are against terrorists/extremists in Islam why don't you go to Afghanistan & fight with them, while our brave men & women are paying this price.I think your intentions are to only aggravate the peaceful muslims & non-muslims,you definitely have a political agenda,& using Quran & Islam to fulfil your desires.Someone is definitely sponsoring you for all this.Are you following Jesus teachings/preachings?Do you really call yourself a preacher?Do you even know that Quran has a whole chapter on Jesus & Mary called Verse Mary (Surah Maryam).Hope you & your followers will regret this decision for decades.

  • Dareen 09/08/2010 3:26:00 PM

    How low can someone get to burn a Holy Book? If any of you knew anything about Islam that had to do with the actual religion and now the "Al-Qaeda" terrorist which ruin its image, you'd know that Islam insists on respect for the People of the Book (Christians and Jews) and burning Qurans on the site of a church is disrespectful for me as a Muslim because: a) you're burning the Word of God and b) you're disgracing the Church by burning a Holy Book on its grounds. Unbelievable!

  • Tessa 09/08/2010 11:44:00 AM

    He is outright disrespectful and intolerate. Love and religion is about accepting others, this is basic teaching.

  • childofegypt 09/08/2010 9:32:00 AM

    Oh, and I forgot, I cannot imagine how many of our troops are going to pay for this "pastor's" mistake in burning what is a holy book to many millions of ppl. Extremists or not, the Quran is holy to many Muslims, and not all of them are extremists. But the ones who are, they WILL make our troops pay. How ridiculous to burn something holy to someone else. But again, that is how the conservative mind works. Closed.

  • childofegypt 09/08/2010 9:27:00 AM

    And yet another whacked out Christian Conservative deciding what is right and wrong for other ppl to believe. Hmmmm book burning. Sounds a lot like the Nazis in the 1930s. I am so sick and tired of conservatives attacking everything that isnt about the bible and telling the rest of the world it is wrong. Grant it the Muslim extremists do the same damned thing. So hence the problem- extremism and conservatism. I am so sick of it I could throw up. And of course Jones had to attack Gainesville's Mayor because he is openly gay. Well so am I. And I am Pagan. I guess Jones will burn all my books too. This world is so full of morons.

  • Bob 09/08/2010 9:13:00 AM

    I am Catholic and I would leave my church in a minute if they ever said to burn a Holy Book. The question for Terry Jones is "What would Jesus Christ do?" Love your neighbor and as Christ said "the one of you with out sin cast the first stone.

  • D.J. 09/08/2010 7:41:00 AM

    I've read a lot of news in my life, both good and bad , but none so incredibably pathetic than that of the Gainsville pastor! He knows nothing about the spiritual consequences he will face, nor, the Laws of the Koran.

  • Tom Chamberlin 09/08/2010 6:40:00 AM

    Not cute, but rather trite and venal, Gus. A poor counterpoint to the Fascist garbage pecked out by your moronic has-been rapper.

  • I Preach Hate 09/08/2010 5:35:00 AM

    What a moron! You stand in front of a T.V. camera and say that you're going to pray on your decision to burn a holy book from another religion and then say you don't preach hate? Come on give me a break! That's just the kind of gibberish I'd expect from a hate mongering white preacher to make. You might as well throw your hat in the same circle as say the White Aryan Resistance. They as I know and understand hate any non-white religion and use religious righteousness to preach hatred for another race, culture and religion. Who are you to decide that Islam is the "Devil's" religion?

  • Mohammad Khan 09/08/2010 4:40:00 AM

    Pastor Terry Jones: Wow! How mad and disgusting to even think of burning of The Holy Book sent down from your creator that teaches love and peace. I am sure you have never read it. The fact of the matter is that The Holy Quran is the words of The Almighty God, not written by anyone else. Your Creator has taken the responsibility to protect it. Therefore, do not make any mistake, you will burn yourself. Repent, stop this inhuman madness and do not create panic in the world. Your creator will never forgive you. Mohammad Khan

  • nevergetcaught! 09/08/2010 4:10:00 AM

    What the New Times doesn't want you to know! http://thenevergetcaughtshow.blogspot.com/

  • james 09/07/2010 11:43:00 PM

    your attempts at sarcasm are both heavy handed and derivative. stick to local new blurbs.

 
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