By Chuck Strouse
By Scott Fishman
By Terrence McCoy
By Ryan Yousefi
By Ciara LaVelle, Kat Bein, Carolina Del Busto, and Liz Tracy
By Pepe Billete
By Ryan Yousefi
By Kyle Swenson
LeBron James tore a hole in the fabric of the universe when he announced on live television he was joining the Miami Heat. Clevelanders burned Cavaliers jerseys, South Floridians acted like they care about basketball, Miami millionaires bought condos downtown, and bears drove cars.
Most important, people said some really dumb/crazy things. Here's our compendium:
"You could see LeBron fitting in pretty well there."
"In this fall, I'm taking my talents to South Beach."
This all-important sentence came out sounding like something a horny Ukrainian exchange student might sputter — especially because the Heat plays, y'know, downtown. If LeBron knew the true heart of Miami, he would've said, "I'm taking my talents to Hialeah."
"The self-declared former 'King' will be taking the 'curse' with him down South."
"We already won, and there ain't no need to play no games."
That's the chorus to the new Heat rap anthem starring rapper Flo Rida. In a nursing home somewhere, a grandfather sadly shakes his head and mutters some combination of "whippersnappers," "instant gratification," and "they don't even know who Bill Russell is" before spitting out some chaw.
"[The] New York Yankees' empire is not as evil as [the] Miami Heat's."
"If there was an opportunity for me to return, and those fans welcome me back, that would be a great story."