Sacked by Fate

Related Content

• The Beautiful People
  November 29, 2012
• Patriots Top Dolphins 23-16 As Tannehill Struggles
  December 3, 2012
• Miami Dolphins Five Keys To Victory Versus Patriots
  November 30, 2012
• 10 Superfoods to Make You a Stallion in the Sack
  February 5, 2013
• Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Titans
  November 9, 2012

More About

• Theo Von
• Tom Brady
• Gisele Bundchen
• Tom Brotty
• Super Bowl

All stubbly and shaggy, Louisiana's Theo Von (né Vonkurnatowski) is a shave, a haircut, several Super Bowl rings, and about four inches away from being good-looking enough to get Gisele Bündchen pregnant. In a short video titled "Almost Tom Brady," the comedian milks this meager resemblance for all it’s worth. He invents an alter ego — Tom Brotty — poses in preppy sweaters, runs an embarrassing gridiron gauntlet, and laments the fact that fate fed him the shitty end of the stick. "Sometimes you almost see somebody else's big footprints on your path," Von-slash-Brotty muses, "and you realize that life sent you down somebody's used path."

Sure, it's a joke, but somewhere deep down, Theo Von actually seems to believe he should be throwing touchdowns and shopping for celery with supermodels. Instead, he's up there onstage trying to make you laugh. Hit the Miami Improv this Thursday at 8:30 p.m. to see him say funny stuff about the South taking second place in the Civil War, his lazy-eyed ex-girlfriend, and the curse of being a low-rent Brady look-alike.
Thu., July 15, 2010