By Michael E. Miller
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By Kyle Swenson
By Luther Campbell
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses the importance of Mother's Day and why Miami Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland is a motherf***er.
Mother's Day is one of the most beautiful times of the year. In fact, mothers are the most precious people on Earth. This is going to be my first one as a married man. I am happily enjoying it with my wife and our beautiful 8-month-old son. For me and others whose moms have passed away, it is also a day of reflection. I wish I could talk to my mom, hold her, and say thank you for making me the man I am. Yvonne Campbell was my first lady. She was my best friend.
My parents, who came from the Caribbean, bought a house on the corner NW 58th Street and Tenth Avenue in Liberty City, where they raised my four brothers and me. I was the youngest, so I was always her baby. I remember after Little League football practice, she would make me the best burgers in the world — big, juicy patties with big slices of bell peppers and onions, saucy as hell. She would feed everybody on the block. Everybody loved my old girl. She was no-nonsense too. If one of my friends came into the house smelling bad, she would hand him a bar of soap and tell him to go wash his ass in the bathroom.
When I started my own record label, she was one of the few people who understood the black humor in my music. After all, she is the one who introduced me to Redd Foxx and Dolemite. She had no problem with my explicit lyrics as long as I wasn't selling tapes and records to kids. And she always had wise sayings. The one I never forget is "I'm a mother, not a motherfucker." She explained the difference to me. A mother is someone who will do whatever it takes to put food in her children's bellies and a roof over their heads. A motherfucker is a woman who uses her kids for money and shit like collecting welfare and child support checks.
You know who else is a motherfucker? Miami Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland. I was deeply offended by what this man asked Dez Bryant, the former Oklahoma State wide receiver Ireland interviewed before the NFL Draft. Here you have this kid who has never had a problem with the law and never had a problem with drugs coming to Miami for one of his first job interviews. His only real mistake in life was lying about improper contact he had with Deion Sanders during his senior season at Oklahoma State. He was punished with a ten-game suspension.
And the guy interviewing him asks him if his mother is selling her pussy. It is unbelievable.
I need Ireland to come out and do some community service in the inner city. I need him to come to Miami Central Senior High, where I am an assistant football coach, so he can meet some mothers raising their children in the ghetto. He needs to see the mothers who put up with beatings or raise their kids alone. The mothers don't run. Bryant's mother did everything in the world to keep him out of the shit. I see moms just like her every day. Many of them sacrifice their bodies, their minds, and their morals so their kids can have a better life, so the streets don't eat them up.
I want to take Ireland into the projects so he can see the glow in a mother's eye when she sees her son coming home from practice instead of becoming another potential victim of gun violence. After that, I think he will come to appreciate mothers the same way I do.
Follow Luke on Twitter: @unclelukereal1.