Wet Dreams Come True

A A A Comments By S. Pajot Thursday, Apr 29 2010

More About

Like this Story?

Sign up for the Events Newsletter: What's happening in town? From underground club nights to the biggest outdoor festivals, our top picks for the week's best events will always keep you in on the action.

Only one in every million boys is blessed with a 9.75-inch penis like gnomish über-mensch Ron Jeremy. For the rest of us short, fat, greasy-haired hedgehogs, the closest we’ll ever get to starring in a sex flick is this weekend’s Exxxotica Expo at the Miami Beach Convention Center. If you’re at least 18 years old and eager, get your $35 one-day ticket (or splurge for an $85 weekend pass); then go rub shoulders and private parts with 100-plus pros, including Mr. Jeremy, emo porn queen Joanna Angel, and South Florida PVC pinup Rubberdoll. Also on the menu: a game show called Vivid Family Feud, the Ms. Exxxotica beauty pageant, and a live rendition of “I Wanna Be a Pornstar” by local party rapper Yanqui Blaq. If, however, you’re 21-plus and extra-experienced, join the VIPs for unlimited liquor and semipublic sex. The upgrade will cost you $65 for a one-day ticket or $150 for a weekend pass. But you’ll be wandering drunk among random celebs and partying porn stars in the Miami Velvet Bedroom. So, even if you don’t have a 9.75-incher, it’ll feel like you do
Fri., May 14, 4 p.m.; Sat., May 15, 1 p.m.; Sun., May 16, noon, 2010

Check out this week's featured ad for Arts

ULGM, Inc. Housing Management Corporatio

View Ad View Website

More Ads >>

Get the Events Newsletter

What's happening in town? From underground club nights to the biggest outdoor festivals, our top picks for the week's best events will always keep you in on the action.