Now meet her heir apparent, Miami's Kat Stacks — a foulmouthed, bubble-cleavaged former Tootsie's Cabaret stripper who in the past month has bombarded YouTube, Twitter, and her own 2-million-hit blog with uncorroborated claims she has performed coitus with virtually every Z-list rapper within a 50-mile radius.
Marco Rubio should broadcast 20-year-old Stacks's videos as irrefutable proof that Florida's school system is in dire need of an overhaul. Wearing bikinis or skimpy blouses and black bangs hiding her eyes, our hero (real name Andrea Herrera) has made the following announcements in her strange, ingratiating voice that is a combination of The Nanny's Fran Drescher and My Cousin Vinny's Marissa Tomei:
• She has done everybody in the 12-member Young Money Entertainment rap crew — who, apparently, are some "dirty-ass-carpet-living-ass apartment" roommates whose only piece of furniture is a "long-ass peach motherfucking sofa." Which is shameful.
• When you sleep with rapper Gudda Gudda, "Make sure you claim the top bunk because Gudda Gudda pees on the bottom bunk."
• Lil Wayne paid her $1,200 for sex, she claimed and then read aloud the incarcerated rapper's cell phone number. She has also publicized the numbers of supposed flings Nelly, some guy named Lil Twist, and hip-hop mogul Birdman's driver, with the instruction, "Harass that fat motherfucker."
OK, we'll stop before your brain melts. The rappers haven't taken the abuse lying down, responding on their Twitter accounts by posting details of her 2009 concealed firearm conviction in Broward County and, according to Stacks, reporting her to children's services. (She has a son.)
Riptide tried to interview Aventura resident Stacks, who claims to be writing a tell-all book (shudder), but her manager, "Big Tone," first asked us for money and then demanded we email our questions. That seemed a bit much — Who is she, Netanyahu? — so we'll instead leave with the wise assessment of Miami vlogger Fury: "I don't care if you read Superhead's books, went to her signings, watched all of her porn videos, and touched her wig. Being a ho is nothing to be proud of. If you're going to do that shit, keep it to yourself."