The Strip on Lincoln Road is full of love

"A year into my relationship with my second choice, my girlfriend tells me that she knew I was more into that other girl. But she wanted me. So she told the hottie a couple of lies about me to scare her off, like that I had multiple kids with different women, anger issues, and — my favorite — only one ball."

Imaginative.

Wardell Brown

Location Info

Venue

The Strip

Map

The Strip

330 Lincoln Road
Miami Beach, FL 33139

Category: Bars/Clubs

Region: South Beach

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"But whatever. Four years later, I dumped her ass."

Onstage, the Mad Hatter has configured Alice's body into a spread-eagle headstand. He shakes a can of whipped cream and sprays a neat little swirl on her crotch. The audience howls. He leaps onto the table, uses the can as a makeshift penis, pretends to masturbate, and squirts the sticky white cream wildly all over the stage. Alice wakes up, she and the Mad Hatter curtsy, and then they both dash offstage.

Big-band drum beats sound as the swinging blonde in the red headdress and thong saunters onto the stage. In the corner of my eye, I notice Joey. Instead of ogling the dancer, like he was before, he's now staring down into an empty glass.

"I spent 12 bucks on this and I drank it in two seconds," he laments. He looks up at the stage where the blonde is now gyrating her ass. "Nice," he says, quickly forgetting he was just ripped off.

"But seriously, I think I'd find her a little more attractive if she was doing that while eating a Big Mac."