Freaks in the Fun House

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• Fairs and Carnivals

We've got the biggest one in Florida. Seriously. The Miami-Dade County Fair & Expo is unrivaled in the Sunshine State for sheer size. It runs through April 11. Last year, we got thrown off the cable cars for spitting on people's heads, smoked on the Ferris wheel, got too drunk for the Avalanche Coaster, and then got laid in the parking lot. Even at 27 years old, we're really still 15 at heart. Except in front of a judge. Maybe this year we won't wake up in jail.

Now in its 59th year, the Fair is full of concerts, games, exhibitions, fried foods, and thrill rides. Admission is $9, but children 5 and younger get in free. (Ride coupons cost extra; check the Fair's website for discounts and other deals.) Gates open at 3 p.m. most weekdays and at noon weekends. Visit fairexpo.com.
Mondays-Sundays, 3 p.m. Starts: March 25. Continues through April 11, 2010