"I think I'd like to wrestle an alligator," she says, scratching her chin with black-painted nails. "Not many people can say they've done that."

Suddenly her heavily lined eyes widen with excitement. "Or instead, I think I'd like to wrestle a dinosaur... like a raptor or something!"

Um, has she not seen Jurassic Park?

Wardell Brown

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Tobacco Road

626 S. Miami Ave.
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Category: Bars and Clubs

Region: Brickell

"I only say that because I'm thinking of it as a loophole. See, if my dying wish would be to wrestle a dinosaur and dinosaurs don't exist, therefore rendering it impossible to wrestle one, then I won't ever die."

Well, with that kind of Jessica Simpson-like logic, why don't you just ask to wrestle Sasquatch or the Tooth Fairy or even a vampire?

"Oh," she says, "I wouldn't mind wrestling Robert Pattinson before I die!"

Of course.

"And I would like to marry someone with an interesting career. Like a mortician or a musician or a magician or something."

Hold up. A magician?

I scan the crowd for a psychedelic polyester blouse in order to scratch an item off of my bucket list: moronic matchmaker.

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