Man seeks prostitute for rough sex

Hello, Kitty: I’ve been single for close to three years, and even though I hook up with girls, I’m still sexually unfulfilled. Not that I want something more consistent, it’s just that the girls I find aren’t open to doing the things I want to do. It seems like they all want me to be lovey-dovey and gentle, when I really just want to pound away at them. If I try to up the speed or intensity, it’s all “What are you doing?” and “Ouch.” So lately I’ve been considering trying prostitutes, but I don’t know if this is a good idea. Also, where would I find one?

John Mee

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Hey, John: Without advising you to do something that could potentially get you arrested, I think it’s a great idea. Though their profession is seen as highly taboo (and illegal in 49 states), sex workers are a valuable source of pleasure for people who want unattached, carte blanche, have-it-your-way sex. Really, it’s a commitment-avoiding man’s dream: You tell her what you want, she obliges or not, you pay, shag, and leave. And if you’re lucky, you’ll find a girl you actually like to be around, and it can become a regular thing. Of course, you’ll still pay her each time, but you’ll have the privilege of her learning what you like and dislike. In my eyes, a pro is the way to go. Trolling Biscayne Boulevard for a “date” is risky, so as for finding one, here’s what you need to know: yellow pages, escort service, cash, alias. Remember, this shit is illegal.

Your other option is to find a girl who’s actually into the rough stuff. You might not find her at L.L.Bean or wherever you’ve been meeting these soft chicks, but there are plenty of girls who will give you the rollicking good time you seek — for free. Just feel them out and see what they’re into. Because you’re not looking for a relationship, having a sex-based convo pre-fuck is totally cool if you’re both in the hookup state of mind. If she’s not a hand-around-your-throat kind of girl, move on to the next one. Meow.

Got a question? Email kitty@miaminewtimes.com, or visit blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/magic_city_kitty