R. Kelly's Body, Still Calling Folks

Though legend says he stole his style from another shiny-headed, combat-boot-wearing R&B crooner, R. Kelly delivers timeless tunes about going halvsies on a baby or making women’s bodies go “toot, toot” and “beep, beep” that have proven he’s the only chrome dome that matters. He’s even hit legend status, flying high off of songs such as “I Like the Crotch on You,” “Hump Bounce,” “Sex in the Kitchen,” and “Stepping Into Heaven.” Kelly’s songs are typically coital carols filled with unabashedly literal lyrics that read like step-by-step instructions on how to give the R some (as yet undetermined) hot spot. And though many fans deserted Kells after video surfaced of him allegedly draining his lizard onto an underage girl, he hasn’t exactly been banished to the graveyard of disgraced stars. Who cares that when he sings that a woman reminds him of his Jeep, he might mean a clunky Playskool toy recommended for children 6 and up? You’ve got to respect an artist who can rock faux cornrows, a fur chubby, throwback jerseys, and head-to-toe leather all in the span of one career.

This Saturday he’ll take the stage at the James L. Knight Center and bring his seemingly endless catalogue of hits with him. Show up and find out if he likes the crotch on you. The show begins at 8 p.m., and tickets start at $51.50.
Sat., Nov. 28, 8 p.m., 2009

 
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