Reality Bites, Poops, and Cries

Hello, Kitty: All of this talk about celebrities having babies has my wife really wanting to conceive, but I don't think we're ready. Hell, I'm not ready. We've been married for three years and both have steady jobs, but I'm 26 and she's 24. I want to enjoy the rest of my 20s before a baby is thrown into the picture! She seems to think that because Nicole Richie and now that Kardashian girl are having kids, it's cute and will be easy. She's an only child who has no concept of how hard this will make our lives. She realizes those rich people have money to hire 'round-the-clock help, but that hasn't changed her mind. I'm wondering how long it will be until she "forgets" to take her birth control pill and I get the, "Oops, we're pregnant" announcement. Please help. I love my wife and eventually want to have kids, but not now.

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More About

• Nicole Richie
• Jon & Kate Plus 8
• Relationships
• Marriage

Noh Bebibump

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Hey, Noh: If your wife believes what she hears about celebrities and thinks she can emulate them, she needs a hefty dose of reality — and I don't mean Jon & Kate Plus 8. But, sigh, this is the world we live in, and those cute lil' celebukids with their photo shoots and haute Happy Meals can make a girl want that fantasy life. You have to show her how much work a baby really is. Borrow a kid from a friend or relative, spend the weekend with the wee one, and after a couple of days (or maybe a couple of hours) of boo-hoos, boo-boos, and bottles, she'll either shut the hell up or you'll know she's really serious. She might be pining away for a little one because of something she saw in Us Weekly, but she could also simply be ready for a child. When people choose their mates, they instinctively want to procreate — that's just natural, and her proverbial biological clock might be ticking. It's not exactly fair for her to forget to take her pill, but you can't regulate her body. It's time for a conversation, possibly a lengthy one. You two should be on the same page, so tell her what you want and then listen to her. End this civilly because, as you said, one forgotten pill and you could be knee-deep in dirty diapers and spitup that smells like spoiled sour cream. Meow.

Got a question? Email kitty@miaminewtimes.com, or visit blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/magic_city_kitty