Riding with Poseidon

Saturday is a night of destiny, and thus there are many choices you must make before attending Summerfest ’09 featuring Flo Rida, T-Pain, Ne-Yo, and Akon at the American Airlines Arena. Will you wear the Apple Bottoms jeans and the boots with the fur? Them baggy sweatpants and the Reeboks with the straps? Will you turn around and give that big booty a slap? Or will you choose the route of a young T-Pain grasshopper and wear Cat in the Hat headgear and use a vocoder whenever you speak? I’d like a fraaaappuccinooooo and a scoooone pleeeease; I fell in love with a baaaaaaaaristaaaa.

You, too, can sport a Florida-themed name like T-Pain (Tallahassee Pain) or Flo Rida (Flo + Rida = Florida! Say whaaaaat, FCAT?!). Perhaps Blind Dade, 305 for Fighting, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Tuttle. Prepare for your night of destiny. Ditch the lighter for the camera phone, get faded like all the cool kids, and do a shot every time you hear someone scream, “I’m on a boooooat!” You will not remember anything, and it will be glorious.
Sat., Aug. 22, 7 p.m., 2009