Hello, Kitty: I have been dating my co-worker for two and a half months. At first, it was supposed to be just as friends, but things ended up unexpectedly steamy. He is going through a separation, and I was there to console him. We ended up falling in love, and we make love all the time. But it's hard because he still lives with his wife, plus he has kids and is linked up with his wife. But he tells me he wants to be with me and shows me he does. We're together all the time; he even spends the night at my place, but it's so hard because I feel like second plate when I really want to be main dish. How long should I wait for him? I know it's the beginning and I shouldn't rush things, but we are too deep already. He tells me to have patience and that things will come, but the question is: When?
Hey, Sicka: Dealing with married, even separated, men is not for the weak of heart, darling. You must be able to keep one eye open for his (you hope) soon-to-be ex, give him great sex, and deal with the reality that your feelings of love might not only go unreciprocated but also get stomped on in the worst way. You see, if somehow the fire between him and his wife is reignited over a glass of Merlot, you will get dropped like a hot biscuit. Sure, some married men actually end up leaving wifey for the mistress, but not as often as you would think. The affair you are having is simply an affair right now, so prepare yourself for the worst. You are not even, as you say, "second plate." You are the plate in the dishwasher, the one that has been used and washed and is ready to be used again at a moment's notice. Could this guy really mean it when he says he is "in love" with you? Sure. Could he be lying in an effort to keep your legs open wide for him? Mos def. You say you are both "in too deep," but make sure it is really a joint effort before you lose yourself completely. This could be the beginning of something great or the precursor to disaster, and the fact that your affair is a workplace romance complicates things even further. So proceed with caution. If you are enjoying the situation, live in it. If things don't go as fast as you would like them to, move on to someone with less baggage. Meow.