Hello, Kitty: Last weekend, my boyfriend and I argued after he woke me up by yelling in my ear while I was hung-over. Well, it was his normal speaking voice, but at 10 a.m. it sounded like he had a megaphone to my ear. I asked him: "Why the fuck are you yelling in my ear?" He called me a stupid motherfucker and rolled over. (He's staying with me for a few days, so the tension has made for an uneasy living situation.) Later, he told me to meet him at his fave brunch spot. When I drove up, he was eating with another chick! Being the cold-bottom bitch that I am, I didn't say anything — took my keys and went home. He stayed out with her for hours. I know he fucked her. I feel so betrayed, like he traded me in. I feel replaceable now, and I can't even look him in the eye. We're in an open relationship, so technically he can do it, but I can't bear that he jumped her so quickly and blatantly. Should I leave him?
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Playt Hard
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Hey, Playt: Wow, I don't envy you, darling. This is a great argument for why people shouldn't get into open relationships, and also why people shouldn't shack up. But let's deal with him first. Hon, you're dealing with a fucking jerk. If he didn't at least hide his brunch date, his respect for you is low and slow. He wanted you to see him with the other girl — either to show you that you could be replaced in a jiff or to break your heart. I'm not sure what arrangement you two have, but a typical rule of open relationships is that "home" is always protected. Meaning even if you know he's sticking his dick in a coochie that isn't yours, you never see or hear about it. Dude is nasty for throwing it in your face. You say you're a "cold-bottom bitch." This was the time to show you weren't going to take his shit. Your silence might have conveyed nonchalance. Kudos if this was your mission. Kudos if you went home and set up a date with your fly number two. But if you took it in stride, you screwed up.
In his defense (which he doesn't deserve), if he wasn't staying at your house, you might never have known about his lil' date. The truth is that it's unlikely he was meeting this girl for the first time. She's probably the one he always calls when you act up or are – gasp – busy. Now let me reposition my defense into offense and say that because he's staying with you, he should have had more tact. He could have stayed away from his side bitch for just a second. You have a hot boy on your hands, honey. It wasn't very mature of him to run into some other girl's arms after a simple argument. A less cold-bottom bitch would probably rip his balls out of their pouch. Should you leave him? Meow.
Got a question? Email kitty@miaminewtimes.com, or visit blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/magic_city_kitty
