Unnecessary Fitness

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January brings cold ocean temps, but in the 305, there’s always at least a heated pool you can dive into. Yet corporate America seems to think the arrival of June means we’re suddenly thinking about beach bodies and eating right. Thanks so much, Shape Magazine Bikini Body Tour, but we worry about sandy muffin tops and camel toes year-round! Amazing abs or not, from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. this Saturday at Lummus Park, we’ll still take advantage of your beach-themed fitness and wellness classes that you promise will get our muscles burning and heart rate elevated. We’ll clog up your Beach Booty Camp class with our already-hot bods and show you how the salsa, samba, and mambo are really done in your Latin dance class, while the pros you’re flying in to “teach” us drip with sweat in our unbearable humidity. This all-day fitness extravaganza doesn’t scare us, but the Skinny Jeans class kinda does. It’s far too hot in the MIA to wear sausage casings. Thanks for making the classes so cheap (ten bucks each). And even greater thanks for putting our moola toward the Surfrider Foundation and the Skin Cancer Foundation.
Sat., June 13, 9 a.m., 2009