At 12:10 p.m. this Thursday, the Florida Marlins will play the St. Louis Cardinals. Cardinals are stupid. Wikipedia says theyre seed eaters. What kind of lowlife hippie bird is runnin that ball club anyway? Cardinals are red, like communists, and we heard St. Louis smells bad. Watch the Fish crush those flying rats with the unrelenting fury of our powerful billfish namesake. We are Marlins; we swim fast, fight for sport, and sometimes kill fishermen. We are Marlins, and we call a castle named for a terrible beer our home. Cardinals are part of a family of birds called buntings. Marlins bunt only when its called for, and were done giving up grand slams, dammit. There wont be any special concerts or fireworks after the game, but an inflatable Billy the Marlin will be standing on the 100-level concourse so you can take a picture with him. Tickets range from $12 to $300. Call 877-MARLINS or visit marlins.com, and be sure to sign up for the Marlins Mortgage Payout sweepstakes, cause we Fish stick together.
Thu., June 11, 12:10 p.m., 2009