Put Your Muscle Where Your Mouth Is

ESPN, that complete waste of cable bandwidth, cronyism, and corporate shill set to bad music, has few redeeming qualities. One exception is its off-hour replays of the World’s Strongest Man competition, particularly the original from 1977, when former Olympic weightlifter Bruce Wilhelm — looking awesome in a blue unitard, sideburns, and BluBlocker-style shades — lays waste to a field that includes bodybuilder and future Incredible Hulk star Lou Ferrigno. In a post-victory interview, he brags about how guys such as Ferrigno, who train for appearance and not strength, had no shot against him, even though, standing beside one another, you’d bet on the ultra-cut Hulk model over the rotund, porn-star look-alike every time. The Magic City is full of Ferrignoesque weightlifters, dudes who have the beach muscle but not the core strength to pull a train, transport an African stone, or squat a sled of kegs, so if Wilhelm lived in Miami, you can bet he’d work out at Crossfit305’s warehouse gym space in Little Haiti. Never heard of it? Well, this Saturday is your chance to get initiated, when the space hosts the first Fittest in Miami Challenge.

Here’s how it works: Beginning at 1 p.m., male and female entrants will compete in a series of timed workouts that include running, calisthenics, and weightlifting — kind of like a World’s Strongest Man episode for people who value lean muscle over bulk. Everyone is welcome, no matter your fitness level, because the prize for last place in this competition is the best workout you’ve ever had. And did we mention it’s free?

Crossfit305 also does these types of workouts six days a week in a supportive group setting, so check out the website.
Sat., May 23, 1 p.m., 2009