Back to the Future at the Clevelander

Patrons at the revamped SoBe hot spot sound just like the old party animals.

"So I ended up partying in VIP and had my first threesome that night."

Scandalous, but easy poon is nothing compared to the tale told by Robin, a pretty 23-year-old with dirty blond hair, a penchant for boxed wine from Target, and an appetite for partying that's exceeded only by her bust size. After a few alcohol/coke/whip-it-fueled tales of excess, she drops this beautiful nugget of crazy:

"A friend of mine knew someone who worked at the Ritz-Carlton in San Francisco, so me and a few friends decided to go on a vacation. The first day we were there, we found this bar where they made this big batch of the best sangria I have ever had — and I've been to Barcelona."

I'm sure she has.

"Anyway, it was so good that I started double-fisting it, because I wanted to make sure I got more than anyone else, because it was that awesome."

Ten glasses of sangria later, Robin stumbled out of the bar a little past noon and did what any other rational person in her state would do — went back to her hotel room to drink an entire bottle of wine, grab a friend who was equally drunk, go to a candy store, and, um, conspicuously steal armfuls of taffy.

"I put all the taffy in my purse, so I didn't get caught, but my friend tried to walk out with a pound of it in her arms. She had to pay."

Color me shocked. The girls grabbed a male friend, hit up another bar, and ordered shots of tequila. The sauced sisters were fine, but the sober dude wasn't.

"He took one shot and ended up projectile puking all over the wall. We tried to be discreet and moved to the other end of the bar. A few minutes later, we saw two guys sit in the spot we had been in. One leaned the back of his head on my friend's barf for a few moments before realizing what he had done. We ran out of the bar and back to the hotel, where we were invited to a bar mitzvah. We went for a few minutes, stole a bunch of beers, and went back to our room. Once we drank all the beers, we decided to go back and steal some more."

But this time they got busted.

"Some old Jewish lady kept on saying, 'You don't belong here; give us back our beer.' So we did, but not before going to hotel security and complaining the party was disrupting our sleep. Then we went back to our room, passed out, and my friend ended up peeing all over me."

Clevelander, meet the reason for your renovation.

Keith Richards, meet one of your illegitimate daughters.

Bret Michaels, get to know your next girlfriend.

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