Get Ready to Rumble

All right, young men of privilege, it’s once again time to indulge the deranged unicorn galloping through your adrenal glands. Time to believe Chuck Palahniuk, Tyler Durden, and David Fincher as they tell you the following: Your rage and anger are justified, you somehow qualify as an oppressed segment of the population, and the proper response to your inner emptiness is outward destruction. Time to watch, nay guzzle, Fight Club tonight on the University of Miami campus. But it’s OK. Know why? Because in retrospect, the crash of the entire financial credit industry at the hands of a bunch of stupid white men seems pretty darn prescient at this particular historical moment, and in a few months, we might all be robbing medical facilities in order to make soap to scrape out a living. Might as well get detailed instructions on how to do it right.

So go on, Delta Kappa Epsilon, enjoy your popcorn with a side of blood rushing to all the wrong areas. In a year or two, you’ll be entering the worst job market in 80 years, where an inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality might actually be a soothing response to unemployment.
Sat., April 11, 10 p.m., 2009