Kitty Jumps into the Jacuzzi

Comments (0) By Raina McLeod Thursday, Mar 19 2009

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Hello, Kitty:

My company has a Jacuzzi on the 15th floor of our office building and I'm dying to try it out. There is a special guy in my life, but I'm thinking water sports should involve someone I can get wild and crazy with, i.e., my biker ex-boyfriend. Prior to our breakup, I promised him a romp in the tub, but we never got around to it. Would it be super-scandalous if I took him up there instead of my bf? And do we need to use a rubber? My bff told me the hot water will kill the sperm. A baby would be a clear indication I've cheated.

Juana Getwhet

Hey, Juana:

If you "never got around" to letting your ex poke you in the Jacuzzi, then his time is up. Why not add alcohol (and adrenaline) to make your current beau less inhibited, and then give him the pleasure of some wet sex? Or dry sex, depending on who you talk to. Underwater penetration has been proven to do the opposite of the obvious and dry out the sex organs. Before you take to the water, grease up your fun parts with vegetable oil or other oil-based lube. That's right, veg oil. Silicone-based lubes will also do the trick because they're slow to wash off and will allow your guy to thrust better, longer. As far as protection goes, you should always use it. Just be aware that a condom could tear, deteriorate, or slip off in these conditions. Until some freaky marine biologist comes up with a solution, there's certainly a risk for pregnancy or STD transmission. Yeah, it's dope to do it while a jet is streaming warm water into you — just be aware of the risks. You might want to use the 'cuzzi for foreplay with a waterproof vibrator and then take the rest of the action to your boss's desk. It's just as hawt, much drier, and a major fuck-you to The Man. Get to poking. Meow.

Got a question? Email kitty@miaminewtimes.com, or visit blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/magic_city_kitty