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Hello, Kitty:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and just recently had sex for the first time. I was expecting it to be a magical moment because our chemistry outside the bedroom is incredible. We were both so excited, but unfortunately something was missing. There were no sparks at all. And that's not the worst part. I couldn't keep a hard-on, and I could tell she was disappointed. I tried for, like, an hour, and nada. We decided to chalk it up to our mutual anxiety and try again, but the same thing happened the next time. No sparks and plenty of soft penis, and I swear this has never happened to me before. Now we're both afraid we're not sexually compatible. I don't want her to think she doesn't do it for me sexually. What do I do? I really want to marry this girl!
Sof Tee
Hey, Sof:
Never happened to you before, huh? It happened twice during your letter! Jeez, if this is "suddenly" a problem, you might want to consult a doctor who can prescribe a pill that'll get you back in the game. If you're not a fan of chemical dependency, there are a few ways to solve "The Mystery of the Mushy Manliness."
You might simply be a fan of the man. If you're sure you're straight, assess your nonsexual stress levels. Maybe work, money, and family issues are consuming you. Get them out of your head before you attempt to get in your girl's pants. If you're thinking about that co-worker who stole your stapler or your 12-year-old sister's new belly ring, you'll never be able to focus on the matter (or dick) at hand.
Something else you can try is take the sex out of the bedroom and the bedroom out of the sex. The pressure to perform in "that room" on "that bed" might be the reason your willy is cowering. Try the kitchen, the broom closet, or even the back seat of your car. The spontaneity will heighten the passion.
But since you two probably want to have woo-woo-woo, lovey-dovey sex, all you need to know is foreplay, foreplay, and more foreplay. Begin with some dirty talk, move on to dirty touch, and only then try penetration. Take the focus off of your penis and it might stand up and perform. If you two have the relationship you say you do, you'll be fine. Performance anxiety is mental, so clear your head and get on with it. Plus, coupled-up folks would tell you that if a limp dick is the worst thing to happen to your relationship, you're doing fine. So, bask in the glow of a good thing while you have it and pray Mr. Softee transforms into something your girl can work with.
Got a question? Email kitty@miaminewtimes.com, or visit blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/magic_city_kitty
