Kitty Extols the Virtues of Dry Humping

It's akin to a live test drive.

Hello, Kitty:

My friends and family tease me about it, and I don’t deny it — I’m a bona fide party girl. I go out at least five or six nights a week and always drink and drug a little more than a lady should. But that’s not my problem. My problem is that I’m a single girl and I haven’t had sex in months. It’s not that I don’t meet hot guys; they holla at me all the time in the clubs. And it’s not that I’m not horny as hell (especially after I get a couple of shots of vodka in me); it’s just that I don’t want to screw some lame ass. I don’t want to waste my time with small penises, bad strokers, or any of the other bull that will deter me from getting off. Is there a way I can test a guy out before I get intimate with him?

Privue Dix


Hey, Privue:

Short of grabbing his penis and/or asking him to bump and grind the air as if his life depended on it, there are a few things you can do to test your potential jump-off. Since you meet these dudes in clubs, you might already know one of his previous lays; if so, subtly ask her about prospects in the sack. But beware. She might give you a proper preview, or she might sabotage the dude hoping that her hole remains your prospect’s first choice. Another way to test the water: If a guy can dance, he’s good in the sack. So when you’re out partying, step back and watch your boy wind his body. If you’re really ballsy, wait for the DJ to play “Lollipop,” join him on the dance floor, and shake your salt shaker against his groin until he starts tromboning. You’ll get a good idea of what he’s working with.

And of course you can take him home — or make love in the club like Usher — and actually see his meat and/or let him dry-hump you. But other than that, there’s no science to this stuff. You can never really tell if a dude is going to be good until he gets inside. So you’re going to have to either keep using the trial-and-error approach or buy yourself a dildo and do it yourself. Good luck! Meow.

Got a question? Email kitty@miaminewtimes.com, or visit blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/magic_city_kitty

 
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