This Friday at 7:30, a legion of card-carrying Republican white men shall descend on the Bank Atlantic Center to see a 31-year-old former bodybuilder named John Cena beat the shit out of a guy who catastrophically broke his collarbone last June (thatd be Legend Killer Randy Orton). And for the privilege, these folks shall pay $15 to $60. This is WWE Raw, and if you go, youll gape at the still-firm pecs of former Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels (now 41). Youll thank your gods for the lack of familial resemblance between hunky Ted Dibiase Jr., Cody Rhodes, and their respective fathers. And of course, youll pop a big Greek woody and pretend not to notice it, because you will never, ever, ever acknowledge just how blatantly homoerotic your favorite sport really is. (But seriously, we know you keep that poster of Cody in your bathroom, and we know why.) Head to 1 Panther Pkwy., in Sunrise. Get your fix ... um, tix at www.wwe.com, or call 800-754-3000.
Fri., Jan. 2, 7:30 p.m., 2009