Kitty Says He's Just Not into You

Find a new burrito.

Hello, Kitty:

I met this guy in a club two years ago. We exchanged numbers, danced, and had a serious make-out session. After that, we went out on one date and then lost contact. Three weeks ago, I contacted him through MySpace, we exchanged numbers, and hung out. We ended up at his house, and because it had been nine months since I'd had sex, I was turned on by his physique. After he gave me a massage, I couldn't resist jumping in the sack with him. Of course I thought he was going to be different from other men, but we spoke once through a text after we had sex and that was pretty much it. I called and texted him over and over, but nothing. So I sent him another text apologizing for my behavior and explained that what happened that night was a mistake, and we were better off not speaking again. He never responded.

Kitty, this entire matter has driven me crazy. I eat and sleep this situation, and I have been doing things I never thought I would have done — like getting tattoos, sunbathing in the nude, and dying my hair blond. I truly believe he would have been the perfect guy for me if I had not screwed this up! Is there anything I can do to make this right? Or should I just let it go? Please help me! My friends swear I need a therapist.

T-N-T!!!


Hey, T-N-T:

Hon, I can save you the copay, because the guidance you need can't be found in a therapist's office. You've been doing way too much lying down and confessing as it is. With all of your calling, MySpacing, and just plain ol' freakin' out summed up in one letter, you look pretty nutso to me. I can only imagine what the dude is thinking. Of course, his actions weren't exactly right or fair, but you had all the clues necessary to know he is far from a "perfect man" and totally not worth your time.

Clue #1: "one date ... lost contact." He's not interested, period. He took you to Chili's, you were boring as hell, so he decided you weren't worth another chicken finger, let alone a phone call.

Clue #2: "nine months since I'd had sex ... physique ... massage." No involuntarily celibate woman can be expected to keep her panties on around a hardbody who is willing to give her a massage.

Clue #3: "thought he was different." Never think anyone is different. If you would have gone into this thinking he was the fuckin' same as any other guy, instead of writing me a letter, you'd be somewhere singing, "All my single ladies, throw your hands up."

Since you missed every sign, I'll gladly tell you to leave this guy alone. He has yet to show any interest in you besides the make-out session and the shag, so unless you're missing the penis, what the hell are you stressing out about? Some relationships are like a chipotle burrito — yummy when you order it but soggy and useless the next day. Just move on. If you keep on sunbathing topless, you're bound to find a new burrito to wrap your lips around. Meow.

Got a question? E-mail kitty@miaminewtimes.com, or visit blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/magic_city_kitty

 
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